


The Curse

by louise_lux



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: F/M, First Time, Genderswap, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-09
Updated: 2012-04-09
Packaged: 2017-11-03 09:05:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/379665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louise_lux/pseuds/louise_lux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"How did it happen?" Goku was saying, peering right in Hakkai's face. "How? I mean, how?"</p>
<p>"I really don't know," Hakkai said. </p>
<p>He flicked his hair from his eyes and reached out for Hakuryuu, who fluttered his wings and backed away.</p>
<p>"You can't just wake up as a lady," Goku said</p>
<p>"Well, yes I can, it seems."</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Curse

Gojyo knew he should've never trusted that fortune teller. They were all evil, even the ones without creepy little dolls that shot apple pips or whatever into your goddamn skin. He sat on the edge of his unmade bed, bare feet planted on the floor for support.

"How did it happen?" Goku was saying, peering right in Hakkai's face. "How? I mean, how?"

"I really don't know," Hakkai said. 

He flicked his hair from his eyes and reached out for Hakuryuu, who fluttered his wings and backed away.

"You can't just wake up as a lady," Goku said

"Well, yes I can, it seems."

Goku peered at him worriedly, as if concentrating might turn Hakkai back. "What's it feel like?"

"Shut up, Goku. What happened yesterday?" Sanzo said, lighting his fourth cigarette since he'd stalked in. He rolled his eyes and slumped on Gojyo's bed. "Something must've caused this."

"Nothing that I can remember," said Hakkai, looking over at Gojyo with wide worried eyes. He had the sheets pulled up to his chest. Over his breasts. Which Gojyo wasn't even noticing.

"Um," said Gojyo. 

They turned to look at him. 

"I might've known," said Sanzo. 

"Gojyo," Hakkai said, in his new voice. It was almost like his old one, except just a little lighter. "What happened?"

"There was this old wrinkly lady. I didn't know she was gonna steal your dick."

Hakkai pulled the sheets closer to his chest. "Gojyo!"

"Ah. Sorry. Um. Sorry."

Goku was staring, open mouthed. 

"What exactly did she say, moron?" Sanzo said.

"She read my palm for free, said I was cute and that I had an exciting life ahead of me."

"It'll be exciting when I kill you."

"I didn't know she was evil! She said some crap about unexpected changes, shit like that." 

Hakkai clutched at the sheet more tightly. His knuckles were white. "Well, one thing has certainly changed."

"Heh. Yeah." He bit his tongue. Really, it must be beyond freaky. "Um, I mean. Sorry."

 

***

 

Gojyo studied him as they drove. Hakkai as a girl wasn't that much different to Hakkai as a guy. His shoulders and hands were smaller and more delicate, and he was swamped in his shirt. His jaw and neck were softly curved. His trousers were rolled up and his boots were too big. He had breasts. You could hardly tell they were there under his huge shirt. Not that different.

They couldn't find the fortune-telling old bag anywhere, even though they made Gojyo ask everyone they passed on the road. 

"She might be in the next town over," some guy said, when they stopped. "People like that, they move around a lot. Do you need directions, miss?"

It took him a second to work out who this loser was talking to. He wasn't looking at Gojyo anymore. Then Gojyo turned and saw that Hakkai was smiling back. Something weird happened in Gojyo's brain then. Men, he thought. No. Not men. Hakkai wouldn't. Seriously, no. 

"Hey, back off, scumbag."

"I-- I beg your pardon?"

"Quit mackin' all over hi-- her. Guys like you make me sick."

The man backed off, mumbling an apology. 

"Gojyo…" Hakkai paused, as if deciding how to explain how dumb Gojyo was. "Don't you think that was an overreaction?" 

"It was the most pathetic thing I've ever seen," Sanzo muttered.

"You're always lechin' on girls," Goku said. "It's hypocritical."

"No," Gojyo said. "Wait. Because, you know, men-- "

"Oh, I do know men, Gojyo. I know them very well. I can look after myself in that regard." Hakkai fixed him with a painfully sharp stare. "Have you got any further points to make about them?"

"No," Gojyo said, except he really did, mostly that Hakkai shouldn't even contemplate, well, anything. 

 

***

 

"I need the card, please," Hakkai said, when they arrived in the next town. He looked tired and pale and had fallen ominously silent during the long drive. 

"Why?" Sanzo said. 

"Shopping," Hakkai said, sounding a lot more terse than usual. 

Sanzo handed the card over, with an uncomfortable glance in Hakkai's direction. Gojyo waited for Hakkai to ask him to come along, but he didn't.

"See you later," he said to Hakkai's back, and Hakkai only nodded. 

"He's different," said Goku. "D'you think he's okay?"

"Would you be okay if you'd just swapped your dick for a pussy?" Gojyo said. Goku stared at him. "On second thoughts, don't answer that."

He was well into his third beer, slumped at the bar, when Hakkai came back. Gojyo sat up and almost knocked over his glass, fumbling it upright at the last second.

"Hakkai. You look-- different."

"Hello, Gojyo. Is everything all right?"

"Yeah," he said. He watched Hakkai's expectant, faintly anxious, expression carefully, feeling like he was on weirdly familiar ground. "Um. Have you done something to your hair?" he said, finally. "It looks good."

Hakkai smiled at him, looking kind of grateful. "Oh, I just got it neatened up."

Okay, Gojyo knew how to do this. Women liked to be told they looked nice. Except Hakkai wasn't a woman. And yet he was. Gojyo's eyes ached from the effort of not looking at Hakkai's chest. "That sweater's nice too."

"Thanks. They were having a sale so I got two."

"Good idea. You look real-- good."

Their gazes met and Gojyo struggled with an instinct to flirt and smile and say more nice things. He shouldn't, absolutely not at all, because this was Hakkai, even if Hakkai was looking like some out-of-his-league hot chick. He had some sort of glossy lip stuff on, Gojyo noticed, and he smelled good. She. He. Fuck it. Hakkai was smiling up at him, but there was something unsure in his gaze. 

"Thank you, Gojyo."

"Um. Sanzo and Goku are upstairs. Do you want a drink?"

"I'd better go up and check on them," Hakkai said. 

"Oh, okay."

Something like panic settled in Gojyo's chest as he watched Hakkai walk away. Hakkai had bought himself a nice green sweater in some soft looking wool and a dark swishy skirt that clung to his hips and his thighs, and shoes with little heels that made his ankles look all slim and his legs long, and make up. And pretty hair. He was also carrying several shopping bags of women-type items from the look of the things he could see, if he craned his neck just so. Pink soap and things that looked like underwear. And— tampons.

Crap. 

It explained at least some of the steely looks. He cursed that old hag, wherever she was.

***

Of course Hakkai got his own room. He needed it now, he'd said, not meeting Gojyo's eyes. 

Gojyo ended up rolled up on a pancake-thin futon on the floor in Sanzo and Goku's room, trying not to wonder if it meant Hakkai didn't trust him or something. It was probably just because of the woman stuff. That must be freaky, bleeding like that for days and days. No way to stop it at all.

He rolled over on his side and stared at the wall for a long time, then got up and silently crept out of the door and along to Hakkai's room, where he paused, then knocked. There was no reply. He waited, until it was getting stupid to wait any longer, and then the door opened a crack. Hakkai peeped out. He didn't look exactly surprised to see Gojyo.

"Gojyo? What is it?

"Did I wake you up?"

"No."

Gojyo leaned in, resting his arm along the door frame. "I'm sorry, man." Hakkai gave a wry smile. "Uh. You know. Not man."

"For waking me up?" Hakkai said.

"No, you know what. For the chick thing." He paused. "I know you're on the rag an' everything."

It was light enough to just tell that Hakkai scowled. "You said it wasn't your fault."

"Well… "

"Gojyo."

"The old lady said—I asked her if I was gonna meet a beautiful woman anytime soon, and she got a funny look on her face and said yeah, and then she laughed a lot. I just thought she was nuts."

Hakkai was watching him, and now his expression was utterly unreadable. "And did you meet one?" he said. 

Gojyo swallowed. "Yeah," he said. 

Hakkai gazed at him for a moment longer. The boards under Gojyo's bare feet creaked, and Gojyo realised he was only wearing his underwear. He saw Hakkai's gaze travel briefly to his bare chest, then back up again. He looked faintly amused, but only faintly.

"Goodnight, Gojyo," he said, and shut the door gently but decisively in Gojyo's face. 

 

***

 

Hakkai came down to the dining room in the morning, neatly dressed in his new girl clothes, hair brushed back, smiling. He downed two pink-coloured painkillers, drank a cup of coffee, ate an unaccustomed large bowl of sugary breakfast cereal and announced himself fit and ready to drive. 

No one else had said a word, and Goku was looking at him in something like awe. 

"You make a great lady, Hakkai," he said. 

"It certainly feels different," Hakkai said, brightly. "All over."

Goku opened his mouth again, but Sanzo elbowed him hard, so that he yelped. 

"Let's get out of here," Sanzo grumped. "We've still got to clear up Gojyo's mess."

"It's not my fault," Gojyo said, trailing after them, but he couldn't find any heat to put behind it. He watched Hakkai heave his now bulging bag into Jeep and kept getting his gaze stuck on Hakkai's smaller shoulders and the curve of his waist. 

"So," Hakkai said, when they were under way. "We should think about how we're going to solve this little problem." 

"There's a temple along this road. The innkeeper said we might get some information there on the old woman," Sanzo said. 

"It sounds like the best bet, certainly," said Hakkai. "Sometimes a girl needs some priestly intervention." 

"Don't say things like that," Sanzo said, and there was a slight cringing set to his shoulders. 

"Please don't tell me what I can and can't say." He laughed, and it wasn't all that nice a sound. 

They drove for an hour in a tense silence until a bunch of youkai tumbled into the road ahead and spread out in a sort of lame-ass V shape. They had axes and crowbars and knives. Hakkai pulled up.

"Uh. Hakkai, maybe you'd better stay back in Jeep," Gojyo said. "They look kinda dangerous."

"I beg your pardon?" Hakkai said, turning round fully in his seat. 

Sanzo sighed and shook his head. Goku was watching Gojyo's face warily as if Gojyo were some kind of crazy person. 

"That's still Hakkai, even with boobies," Goku said, slowly. 

"Hey, looooosers," the youkai called. "We're gonna chop you into dog food. And then we're gonna EAT you."

"Naw, hey, we don't eat dog food," another one said, plaintively.

"Please keep it down," Hakkai called, in a high and penetrating voice. "We'll be with you in a moment." He turned back to Gojyo. "I'm a woman, not an invalid."

"I know that," Gojyo said. "I'm not dumb."

"The moron's got a point. Hakkai, will your qi work as effectively now?" Sanzo said. "It's probably been affected by the-- change."

Hakkai's mouth tightened up and he turned back to face the front, his shoulders set in a tense line. "I'm sure it's fine," he said. 

Sanzo's mouth pinched up. "How sure?"

There was a long silence. The youkai shuffled their feet. "Actually, I do have a terrible stomach ache," Hakkai added, in a small voice. "Perhaps I shouldn't bother fighting today."

Sanzo sighed. "Gojyo, Goku, sort those idiots out," he said, as stony faced as he'd ever been. 

"Right."

It was a relief to launch himself out of the car, Goku at his side just as eager, and plough through the crazies. These particular ones had blood on their jaws and teeth, and Gojyo's stomach turned before he sliced them up. Goku knocked one up right into a tree, where he dangled for a moment, then plummeted. More youkai ran out from under the trees, screaming, and yet more behind them.

"They're not stopping," Goku said, sounding puzzled. "This sucks."

Bullets whined past their ears. Sanzo was out of the car now, stalking about and shooting things, looking as mad as a priest with a stick up his ass.

"I have to find a public convenience soon," Hakkai called, from Jeep. "When you're ready."

"Can't you go in a bush?" Sanzo said, shooting someone in the head.

"No," Hakkai called. "I can't."

"Dammit," Gojyo swore, flinging his blade out wide. "Just fuck off," he said, and kicked a youkai in the stomach. "Now. We're busy, assfaces."

Sanzo's reply was inaudible, because just then something hit the side of Gojyo's head, sharp and shockingly hard. Black spots swirled into the sides of his vision like flies and he felt hands on him, pulling him down and dragging him along. 

"Useless," Sanzo said. 

"Get off him, scumbags," Goku said.

The hands let go, and Gojyo slumped face down in the dust. It stuck to his nose and his lips. He watched an ant running past his nose. It raised its front legs as if it was really pissed off, and Gojyo had to admire its guts. Someone stumbled over his shin, and he groaned, cold nausea washing down through his body, taking his sight with it. A white light crackled in his ears and then vanished with an echoing pop, and then Hakkai's voice. It was the last thing he heard. 

He woke up lying in the back of Jeep, with his face close to Hakkai's breasts. Hakkai was smoothing his hair back from his forehead. The look of worry on his face—and the breast thing-- was almost worth the gut clenching throb of pain behind one eye. 

"Wha?" he said. 

"You got hit with a rock."

"Why the glum face?" he said, as the world span around him. "'S' just one more lump."

"I can't heal it," Hakkai said. 

"Cos of the chick parts?" he managed to say, after the third attempt. Things were swimming.

"I don't want to risk-- anything," Hakkai said, his brows knitting together. "Sanzo is quite right. It is interfering with the flow of my qi." He took his hand away and clenched his fists in his lap. Gojyo wanted them to come back. "I suppose because technically I'm a different person."

"Don't worry," Gojyo said. "We'll get you fixed up back to normal."

Gojyo was a bit surprised at the way Hakkai's eyes suddenly went really shiny. He turned his face away for a moment, then looked back at Gojyo and let out a breath. 

"You should worry about yourself," he said. "You're going to need stitches in this."

Gojyo propped himself on one elbow, fighting the nausea. Goku was dragging the bodies into a pile and Sanzo was standing smoking, not looking their way. 

"That was some fight," Gojyo said. 

Hakkai sat back, perched on the edge of the seat next to Gojyo's legs. The warm curve of Hakkai's thigh pressed against his. 

"Do you think it was entirely natural?"

"Is any of this stuff natural?" Gojyo said, slumping back down. 

"Aha. No," Hakkai said, then he bit his lower lip and lowered his lashes. "But there seemed to be an awful lot of them, targeted just at the right time to take advantage of my-- weakness."

"It's not a weakness," Gojyo said, and then darkness swam up again and he passed out. 

He woke up to total darkness and for a second thought he'd gone blind. He sat up with a jerk, straining his eyes and listening. Quiet room, no sounds from a street or bar, two sets of breathing, one slow and steady, one of them faintly snoring; Sanzo and Goku. A dim strip of light showed where the door was. His mouth was as dry as a desert and he could still taste dust and grit, along with the monkey's armpit effect of sleep. 

He rolled off his mattress and stood, wobbling a little, waiting for his night vision to adjust. Someone had taken his shirt off and left him in his jeans. He fumbled in the dark, found his cigarettes and a jug of water. Hakkai and Jeep weren't in here. The water tasted coppery, or maybe that was something to do with his mouth, and his head ached dully at the side, the broken skin smarting. 

"Damn it," he muttered, and touched the wound, running his fingertips over rough stitches. He needed a smoke, or a beer, or something. He shuffled into the deserted hall, his feet scuffing on the dusty boards, and then stopped. Faint sounds were coming from a door down the corridor, like someone crying and not wanting to be heard. It was a woman, by the sound of it. A familiar voice.

Okay, he could go for a smoke and let Hakkai get on with whatever, or he could go and check it out. He snorted at himself, because he knew his own weaknesses like he knew the shape of his own hands. His feet were moving even before he properly thought about it. 

He'd heard Hakkai cry once before, in a lower timbre, must've been a year to the day he'd first ever brought Hakkai home. A guy had to cry sometimes, Gojyo knew that now. At the time he'd hung around awkwardly for a few hours, then'd gone out to get drunk when it hadn't stopped. Women cried more, too, in his experience. So it was natural Hakkai would let it out.

He stood at the door for a full five minutes, staring at the door knob, just listening. It hurt, and he realised after a little while that he was glad about that.

"You can come in," Hakkai said, finally, his voice sounding thick and muffled. 

The room was lit with a single lamp, and Hakkai was kneeling on the floor next to the bed, dressed in an old t-shirt that swamped him, his hands clenched in fists on his bare knees. There was something on the floor in front of him. It was gory and red and mangled. 

"What the hell is that?" Gojyo said, coming over to stare.

"It's a rat," Hakkai said, and his effort at a light tone was painful. 

"What, did you take out your bad day on it?" Gojyo said, squatting down to poke at it. Its guts seemed to be on the outside. 

Hakkai hung his head. "I was trying to heal it."

The rat had tiny black bulging eyes. "And you turned it inside out instead?" 

Hakkai only nodded. There was a drop of water dangling from his nose. Gojyo shifted to a more comfortable position. His head was throbbing. "So, I guess I'm lucky you didn't try it on me first?"

"Lucky, yes," Hakkai said, and covered his eyes. 

There were boundaries, Gojyo thought, when your best guy friend was crying. They weren't quite the same when he was a girl, looking almost frail and sobbing into her hands, quietly, but so that her body shook. 

"Hey," Gojyo said. He swallowed, dipping his head to try and see Hakkai's face. "Hey, it's okay." 

Hakkai shook his head and Gojyo put a hand on his shoulder, then touched his neck and his cheek, then put both arms round him and held him. Gojyo's heart was beating fast. This might be the most confusing thing that had ever happened to him--or Hakkai-- and that was saying a lot.

Hakkai leaned against him, a light weight, hiding his face in Gojyo's neck, where Gojyo could feel wetness and gusts of hot breath. 

"This is ridiculous," Hakkai said, after a moment, and then he sighed and pressed his face in deeper. 

Gojyo tightened his arms. "No, it ain't," he said, and pressed his cheek against Hakkai's hair, feeling the faint edges of his youkai power in the air around them. It didn't feel any different to Gojyo, but then Gojyo wasn't very sensitive to stuff like that. "It's okay. I'll fix this."

Hakkai shuddered against him and fresh wet tears hit Gojyo's skin. They smelled good, Gojyo thought, his heart still thumping. Salty and familiar. He probably wasn't thinking right. It'd been a long time since he'd tried to comfort a weeping woman, maybe a couple of years, and before that... His mama never wanted to be comforted anyway. He ran his hands over Hakkai's shoulders, feeling the soft warm weight of Hakkai's breasts pressing against him.

It'd be so damn good to touch them. 

He froze, squeezing his eyes shut tight. He shifted his thoughts to the rat, because he wasn't gonna do something tasteless and get a hard on. Maybe Hakkai picked something up, because he pulled away and scrubbed at his eyes. Gojyo cleared his throat and sat back too. 

"Let's get rid of the rat," he said, and got to his feet. 

"That would be sensible," Hakkai said, in dull tones.

Gojyo found some sheets of old newspaper and got the rat all wrapped up, then he took it down to the back door and dumped it outside with the other rubbish. When he got back, Hakkai was sitting on the bed. Apart from his red eyes and nose, he looked almost himself. Herself. He looked up as Gojyo entered, and his expression was unreadable. 

"How you feeling?" Gojyo said, not knowing what to do with himself. He stood in the middle of the room, feeling like a spare dick at a wedding.

"I don't mean to be overdramatic," Hakkai said. "But I'm starting to feel like a completely different person."

"Aw, shit."

"Yes."

"Can I do anything to help?"

Hakkai sighed and closed his eyes. He shuffled back further onto the bed and pulled the blankets up over his legs. His head was bowed. "I don't want to be alone."

So, Hakkai asked a lot of Gojyo, sometimes. It really was not anything new. He got into bed, and they lay down, arranging pillows and blankets in a small familiar flurry of activity that Gojyo found comforting. This was still Hakkai after all. They'd shared before, although not ever for any reason other than space.

"You need to go to the bathroom?" Gojyo said, his hand on the light. Hakkai had turned away, pushing his face down into the lumpy pillow, and all that was visible was his dark hair and the sharp angle of his cheekbone. 

"No, I'm fine," Hakkai said. He looked over his shoulder for a moment. "How's your head? I'm sorry, I forgot."

"Yeah well, you've got bigger problems."

He switched off the light and lay down, looking up at the shimmer of moonlight on the cracked ceiling. Hakkai felt too small next to him; it threw him, over and over. After about ten minutes of no sleep, Hakkai sighed and turned on his back too. 

"What's it like?" Gojyo said, softly, in case Hakkai didn't want to answer. 

"It's as if someone threw a switch in my brain and now everything is dissatisfying and irritating," Hakkai said, and Gojyo wanted to ask if that was really much different to his normal state. He kept his lip buttoned. "Also, the physical side of menstruating is messy and painful."

"I kinda guessed that."

Hakkai was silent for a moment, then turned his head. Gojyo knew because he could feel Hakkai's breath on his neck. "When I look in the mirror, I see her."

He knew who Hakkai meant; it'd crossed his mind too, looking at Hakkai's sweet girl's face. Just like Hakkai, except everything softened and refined into a woman's face.

"This sucks," Gojyo said and Hakkai made a wordless, helpless, sound of agreement, like he might lose it again.

Gojyo thought about it for a few seconds before he actually did it, but fuck it, Hakkai was his friend, guy or girl. 

"Come here," he said, softly, and turned and opened his arms. 

Hakkai moved into them and curled against him, slight and warm. Gojyo tightened his arms and listened to Hakkai's breathing get slow and even, and wondered how he'd ever sleep himself. He pressed his nose to Hakkai's hair and stroked his skull, and didn't even notice when he drifted off.

He woke up hours later with a bitch of a headache and to the sight of Hakkai padding back across the room towards the bed, a small wash-bag clutched in his hand. He still looked horribly pale. Gojyo closed his eyes when the bed dipped again. Hakkai curled up close to him and sighed very softly.

"I'd like a day off, frankly," he murmured. 

Gojyo opened one eye and saw Hakkai, watching him across the pillow. It was hard to keep thinking of him as a guy, especially this close. He knew Hakkai was a pretty man, beautiful really. It had became more obvious now he was a girl. 

"Sanzo'll whip your ass," he said, his voice croaky with sleep. "We've got to get you fixed, anyhow."

"Fixed, yes."

"Don't make it sound so bad. Do you wanna be dickless the rest of your life?"

Hakkai's smile, even the rueful one, was always better than seeing his downturned mouth. "You always put things into perspective," he said. 

"Yeah, it's gotta be hard. Your head's all messed up with hormones," Gojyo said. "Ain't it?"

"It's not just hormones," Hakkai said, his brows coming together. "This is an extremely trying time."

"Well, yeah, but..."

Hakkai sighed and turned over, pulling the covers up around his ears so that he was mostly hidden. "Oh, never mind. Go back to sleep."

He didn't think he would, but he did, until Goku shook him awake. The light was bright, like it was midday, which was weird.

"Sanzo says you'd better get your ass downstairs. You better not've done anything perverted to Hakkai," Goku said. He paused. "You didn't, did you?"

"No, I did not do anything perverted!"

Goku subsided and sat on the bed and chewed a hangnail. He watched him get dressed. "It's weird. He looks different, and that's scary, but he hasn't actually changed that much. He still made me wash my hair this morning, and he made sure Sanzo had the right coffee and stuff. I thought he'd be more-- " Goku stopped.

"More what?"

"I don't know." He'd got that look on his face when he was having a thought, like he was all surprised that the world could even be that way. It was probably because of growing up in a cave. "I don't know any girls."

"You mean Sanzo didn't have secret hot chick monks at the monastery?"

"Dumb ass. I mean, he's not like how I thought a girl would be. What do you think?"

Gojyo washed his face at the small sink and got his shaving kit out. "Hakkai's been brought up nice. He's not—He's not gonna be like any girl I ever knew. And he's been a guy all his life."

"Hmm, yeah."

Goku waited while Gojyo dried off and put his socks and boots on, watching with a deep and pondering expression. 

"Where the crap are we anyway?" Gojyo said, clomping down the narrow wooden stairs. 

They were hardly the width of his shoulders. The sweet smell of incense wafted up. At the bottom they spilled out into a neat white-walled corridor with big windows that showed a sunny garden. Birds twittered enthusiastically in the neatly clipped bushes, and, in the distance, brown-robed monks could be seen digging about with rakes and hoes.

"It's that monastery. Hakkai made us come here when you were bleedin' everywhere, said you had to get proper medical attention."

"Oh." Damn, a lack of beer and smokes just when he needed them most. 

Goku led him through a small maze of corridors until they came to a wide open room filled with sunlight. It had long tables and benches and it looked like the refectory at the temple at Chang An, where Sanzo had fed them sometimes. Hakkai and Sanzo sat at one of them, both staring out of the window and silently sipping tea. No one else was about. 

"Yo," he said, sitting down. 

Hakkai smiled. "You're looking better, Gojyo."

"Hey, so are you."

Hakkai looked rosy and bright eyed. He nodded at the tea. "It's calming, a special mix they make at the temple. For women's times. Would you like to try some?"

He pushed the pot at Gojyo. "Hell, no," Gojyo said. "Coffee's fine. Hey, Sanzo, are you drinking that shit?"

"No," Sanzo said, which was a total lie, because Gojyo could see it in his cup. 

A monk came in with a tray of food. It was actually lunchtime – they'd let him sleep late. 

"It's an honour to serve such an illustrious member of our holy community," the monk said, bowing deeply to them all. Sanzo looked away, seemingly bored. Maybe the tea was working on him too. 

"Soup, Miss, ah-- ?" 

"Cho," Hakkai said. 

"It's shrimp and cabbage, Miss Cho."

"Ooh, that sounds lovely," Hakkai said, looking up into his face with a smile. The monk looked temporarily dazzled. 

"I hope you enjoy it," he mumbled. 

The monk served the rest of them, perfectly polite and smiling. Gojyo had an urge to punch him. 

"My name's Chao, if you need anything," he said. 

"Cigarettes," Sanzo said, not looking over his shoulder.

"I'm sure Master can spare some," Chao said, after a short pause. 

"Huh, looks like they're not so pure round here," Gojyo said, as Chao walked away. 

"He was nice," said Hakkai. "Wasn't he?" 

No one said anything, apart from Goku, who agreed. The food was good; savoury and hot. They ate in silence. Hakkai spooned soup methodically and slowly.

"Where's Jeep?" Gojyo said, finally.

"Asleep on my bed," Goku said. 

"Did you take him up some food this morning?" Hakkai said. "And water?"

"I checked, he's fine," Goku said. 

"Is he ill?" said Gojyo. 

"Er." Goku went pink. "Not ill. We're guessing he's freaked out by Hakkai's, um, change."

"He just needs some time to get used to it," Hakkai said, sharply. He sighed and put his spoon down, staring into his bowl. He was wearing the nice sweater again. "So do I." 

Gojyo looked over at Sanzo for a clue; he couldn't help it. "So, what's the plan?" he said. "We gotta have one, right?"

"We're seeing the head priest here later tonight. He's on his way back as we speak," Sanzo said. He nodded, puffing on his cigarette. He sounded almost comforting, his tone odd and awkward. "The monks are sure he'll have some idea of where to find this old crone."

"It might be as simple as an imbalance in energies," Hakkai said. "I could try and fix it myself." 

"Yeah, and you could explode yourself up like the rat," Gojyo said. 

"What rat?" Sanzo said, narrowing his eyes. 

Hakkai opened his mouth to explain, but then Chao came running in, his colour high and flushed. He was bearing a long, gleaming sword. 

"Youkai," he cried. "At the gates, Master Sanzo."

"I might've known," Sanzo said, hanging his head.

"Yay, a fight," Goku said, leaping up. "I really need one."

"Miss Cho, let me protect you with my life," Chao said very earnestly, dropping to one knee. 

"Oh, great," Gojyo said. "That's totally overkill. We protect h--her—with our lives every day, it's nothing special."

"Um," Goku said, tapping Chao's shoulder. "Hakkai's not really a—Aughh." He blinked wide shocked eyes at Hakkai and rubbed at his shin.

"That would be lovely," Hakkai said, clutching at his tea cup. "I'm sure you—men can manage without me for once."

"Uh…Yeah," Gojyo said. "If you let anything happen to Miss Cho I'll slice your face off, okay?"

Chao stared. "You have my word," he said, and Hakkai nodded approvingly. 

There were youkai at the gates, about fifty of them, all sporting bad fashion choices and, not long after, sliced up bodies, bullet holes and bruises. The temple monks fell back, looking pale and ill, eyes wide and looking at the three of them, especially Sanzo, in a new, far more terrified, light. So what was new? 

"You know how Hakkai's a lady now?" Goku said, as they trekked off to the bathhouse to wash off the gore.

"Oh, is he? I hadn't noticed," Gojyo said. 

"Don't be a moron," Sanzo muttered. 

"Well," Goku went on. "Does that mean he could, you know, get pregnant?"

"If he does I'll shoot him," Sanzo said, stripping off his robe. A young boy came and took away their bloody clothing, staring in awe at the scars on their bodies. He left soap and towels and robes. They washed off under the taps and sat in the wooden bath, steaming. Gojyo stretched out his legs and wondered how Hakkai was getting on with Chao.

Male or female, Hakkai wasn't the sort of person who'd let anyone molest them, not unless Hakkai wanted something like that. To Gojyo's knowledge, he'd never shown the slightest sign of interest in sex with anyone, man or woman. Gojyo'd considered it sometimes, when drunk. He sighed and leaned back, letting hot water soak over his shoulders.

"So, he could have a baby?" Goku said. "In theory."

Sanzo had draped a flannel over his face and behind it he moaned. "Please don't."

"But he could, right?"

"Yeah," Gojyo said, because it was clear the monkey wasn't going to let it go. "He could. She could, I mean."

"She, hehe," Goku said. "That's so weird. Anyway, why are you so sure?"

"She's got the painters in," Gojyo said. 

"Uh, what?"

"Surfing the crimson tide. You know, the curse. Time of the month."

"…What?"

"Menstruating," Sanzo said. "I'm fairly certain Hakkai gave you that particular biology lesson."

"Oh," said Goku and his eyes went big and round. "Oh. Poor Hakkai."

"Yeah, so don't go makin' him mad or nothin'," Gojyo said. 

"Or we'll all have to pay," Sanzo said, from behind his wash cloth. 

"Women are so strange," Goku said, almost reverently.

"Yeah," Gojyo said. 

Sanzo just stayed quiet, because how the hell would he know? Gojyo smiled and didn't make any comment; Sanzo was near enough to lash out.

"So anyway, the spell, whatever, seems to include a set of fully working and primed lady parts," Gojyo said, flicking water at Goku's face with his toe. 

"Hmm," Sanzo, said, dragging the cloth off his face. He'd gone bright pink and his hair was sticking to his face. "Seems a bit convenient, doesn't it?"

"That he's on the blob straight away?"

"Yes," Sanzo said, sitting up and reaching over the edge of the bath for his cigarettes. "Little bit too convenient if you ask me. In theory, it would need 28 days for Hakkai's new body to begin menstruating."

"Huh, you know that," Gojyo said, blinking.

"Don't sound so surprised! Idiot. You mentioned the curse. For once, I think you've said something fairly intelligent. By accident, obviously."

"What? Hey!" 

"The spell's a curse," Sanzo said. "It's not a true physical transformation. It's not benign."

"It's not?" Gojyo said.

"No. It's someone's idea of revenge, and on men, at a guess."

"But why would anyone curse Hakkai?" Goku said. "He's not a bad person."

"I don't know," Sanzo said. 

"That's some random revenge," Gojyo said. "So, what do we do?"

"Let's wait for the temple master to turn up. He might have some clues." 

"Can't you just fix it?" Goku said. 

Sanzo gazed down into the water. "Perhaps if I had both sutras, yes."

They dried off and dressed and were shown to a shady spot in the garden with wooden benches and small bubbling pools of clear water, where a young monk with a reedy, half-broken voice suggested that they might like to meditate. Goku asked for a plate of spring rolls to help him.

"When's your master back?" Sanzo said. 

"I'm very sorry," the monk said, bowing so low his nose almost scraped the floor. "He sent news that he'll be delayed."

"How long for?"

"Another night."

"Damn it," Sanzo said.

In the distance, Hakkai could be seen walking along the winding garden pathways with that bastard Chao. Chao was picking things from plants and gesticulating, the moron, and Hakkai was smiling at him.

"What are they doing?" Gojyo said. 

"Master Chao is very knowledgeable when it comes to herbs and plant lore," the monk said, obviously in the throes of a mancrush. "Miss Cho has a quick mind and appears to be learning much from him."

"Just fetch the food. And beer too," Sanzo snapped.

"She does look happy," Goku said, thoughtfully, gazing at them. "What if Hakkai likes being a woman?"

"Don't be an idiot," Sanzo said, but they sat and watched her and avoided each other's eyes. 

When Hakkai approached them, with an armful of deep red, sweet-scented flowers, they gazed up silently.

"I picked us some flowers," she said. "Also some herbs, as I plan to improve the tisane to ease menstrual cramps."

"The big cheese's delayed another day," Gojyo said. "So we'll have to hang around."

Sanzo opened his mouth, but somehow nothing came out and he shut it again. Gojyo couldn't blame him. Hakkai had a slight sunburn on her nose and a purple flower tucked behind her ear. She smiled down at them.

"Oh, that's a shame. Still, it's very pleasant here. It won't hurt to remain for another day. Or two. Perhaps we should stay the week. I've been thinking we need a holiday."

"Uh."

"I'll see you later. Chao is going to show me the waterfalls. They have an interesting geological formation."

"I'll just bet they do," Gojyo muttered. 

"I'm sorry?"

It was hard to act like a dick when Hakkai looked so happy. He sighed. "Hey, have a good time." 

"Thank you, Gojyo." She gazed down at Gojyo with a beautiful bright smile. 

"Dammit," Sanzo muttered, as she walked away. "This is getting bad."

"I think it's nice," Goku said. "It's like he's really a woman."

"Shut up, Monkey."

They played mahjong that night, on a long table that held a vase of the red flowers. Hakkai sat next to him and from time to time their knees bumped under the table. Maybe it was by accident. He couldn't count the number of times he and Hakkai must've accidentally knocked or bumped each other, but it hadn't made him feel the way he did now. It was a like a physical tug, a mute reaction that he didn't know what to do with. He could feel the warmth of Hakkai's body radiating against him. He wondered blindly if Hakkai could sense it too. Instead of wondering too hard, which was pointless anyhow. he took Hakkai's cup.

"More wine?" he said.

"Ooh, yes please," Hakkai said, looking ridiculously pleased as Gojyo poured it out. "That's very kind of you, Gojyo."

He watched Hakkai drink the wine in one long swallow, and then Hakkai begin to play some ridiculous clapping game with Goku over the board for who should be East. They were both laughing and even Sanzo looked slightly less stone cold. It was kind of rare to see Hakkai looking so relaxed, even after trips to the specially cordoned off bathroom. Someone, Chao probably, the kiss-ass, had drawn a sign with red letters that warned 'Beware. Ladies present!'

At midnight, Hakkai went up to her room. Gojyo watched her go; he'd still be sharing with Sanzo and Goku. It was a small temple, few spare rooms, nothing to write home about. Not that he had anyone to write home to about anything. 

They trooped upstairs and settled down. Gojyo lay on his pancake mattress and tried to sleep.

Goku began to snore softly, which was weirdly comforting. He knew Sanzo was awake though, and didn't look his way as he slipped out of his blankets and stepped across the polished boards to the door. They didn't squeak at all, apart from one, loudly, as he stepped across the threshold. He heard Sanzo's faint exasperated sigh and the rustle of blankets. 

No one was about in the corridor. The monks were all probably in bed, or praying, or whatever they did at night. Hakkai's door was closed. Gojyo put his ear to it. There was a glimmer of light from under the door, but no sound that he could hear. He waited, heart thumping, then spoke. "You okay?"

He didn't think Hakkai was going to answer, but then the door swung open and Hakkai stood there. 

It was a shock every time, like he'd never get used to it. Hakkai still wore his—her—glasses, and was clutching a book. She was dressed in a long, pale cotton shirt that Gojyo had never seen before. It must be from the monks. The front showed a slice of creamy skin and the faintest swell—He dragged his eyes back up and found she was watching him with a wide eyed and steady gaze. 

"I wanted to check you were okay. You know, after last night." Hakkai might not want to talk about it, Gojyo thought. She was holding a book. Hakkai liked to read before bed. He liked to read. No, she liked to read.

"Come in," Hakkai said, and her voice was soft. 

Gojyo followed her in, watching her bare feet and ankles as she moved to fold back the covers. She got in gracefully, leaving her book and glasses on the side and looked at him with an expression that Gojyo thought might be fear. His heart lurched. Did Hakkai think he'd come here for sex?

"I didn't mean—" He cleared his throat. "I wasn't—"

"Please," Hakkai said, and lay back, tugging the covers up to her chin in a way that made Gojyo's heart contract. "It's all right."

He took his shirt off, kept his jeans on. There was a mirror propped up against the wall near the window, big enough to see most of himself in. Hakkai saw him looking. 

"I asked Chao for it," Hakkai said. "I wanted to see."

That must be kind of mind blowing. He tried to imagine it and then steered his thoughts carefully away. The sheets were cool and clean, and Hakkai was warm next to him, hair feather-soft where it tickled his neck. He put his arm round her shoulders and heard her soft sigh. The tension drained from her shoulders a little. 

"You know I got the thinnest mattress in the world, right?" Gojyo said, after a minute of silence. 

Hakkai curled close and slid her arm over his chest, and Gojyo's breathing got a bit harder. She rested her head on his shoulder. "It's better that you're here," she said, in a low, slow voice. 

It sounded almost like Hakkai, if he closed his eyes. That was freaky. Hakkai in his arms, clinging close. He swallowed and stroked his fingers through Hakkai's hair. That'd feel the same too. Hakkai's breasts pushed against his side, a soft and warm pressure.

"Yeah?" His voice was too low, almost rough. "You sure about that?" 

"Yes, Gojyo," Hakkai said, and then fell silent. 

He slept like crap, half in and half out of sleep, with Hakkai's legs tangling with his and her hand curled on his chest. How long since he'd spent the night with a woman? It'd been more than a year.

Exhaustion hit him just as light began to filter through the curtains. Hakkai made a soft sound and rolled over, wriggling down into the bed. Gojyo moved to curl around her, face pressed to her skin, and finally slept.

His mom was with him, stroking his cheek too gently. He braced himself for the slap and wanted to ask what she was doing here at the monastery.

"I killed you," he said.

"No," she said. "I can never be dead."

The slap never came, which wasn't like her, and his heart flooded with love that was like a physical pain.

"Thank you," he said, and pressed his cheek into her hand, so gentle, like she'd never hurt him.

"What for?" she said, only she sounded like Hakkai, softly amused.

Gojyo opened his eyes and saw a woman's face over his, hair messy from sleep, lips soft and parted. Green eyes, one of them not real, three glints of silver on her ear.

"Hakkai," he said. "It's you."

"Hmm, were you dreaming?" Hakkai said. "You were talking."

"Yeah, I guess I was."

"Did you sleep all right?"

"No, like shit. How about you?"

She propped her head on one hand and watched him from close up. It was impossible to ignore the hard, lithe curves of her body and the swell of her breasts through the cotton. His morning wood was pushing up tight and hard through his jeans, and it wasn't just excited about taking a piss.

"I didn't dream," she said. "It was good."

He turned to look at her. "Yeah?"

"Yes," she said. "Gojyo… Give me your hand."

He held his right hand out and she took it, then laid it over the curve of her breast and held it there. Gojyo cupped it automatically, squeezing a little. Her fingernails dug into the back of his hand.

"Oh," she whispered. "Oh, yes,"

"Holy crap. Hakkai… I'm sorry. Fuck." He pulled back but she held his hand there, effortlessly strong.

"Don't be sorry. I saw you looking. I thought you'd like it. I thought I'd like it."

Maybe the girl hormones were to blame, Gojyo thought wildly. He couldn't look away from his own hand. The swell of Hakkai's breast was full and high, filling his palm. He took in a tight shuddery breath as Hakkai pulled open her shirt, tugging the thin layer of cotton from between her breast and his hand.

"Hakkai," he said. He was losing his cool big time, he knew it, staring wide eyed at creamy skin and dark pink nipples, hands shaking like it was his first time. His cock was so hard it hurt where the rough seam of his jeans rubbed over it.

Hakkai made a needy sound and pushed into his hand. "Touch the nipple," she said.

Her voice was low and distracted, exactly like Hakkai when he was concentrating or reading or something. His dick jerked and he rubbed the pad of his thumb over the stiffening tip of her nipple, then squeezed it very lightly between his thumb and forefinger.

"That's good," she said, quick and urgent. Her lips were wet, and her hair was falling into her darkening eyes. She pushed her hips against Gojyo's thigh, rubbing. He could feel the heat of her. "It's good."

Gojyo collapsed back on the pillow. All his muscles felt weak, but his heart was pounding, blood pumping and ready to go. He carefully took his hand away, and Hakkai pulled back too, breathing hard. 

"You feel great," he said.

"So do you."

Hakkai almost fell out of bed, she got out so quickly. She grabbed her wash bag and clothes and towel, and left.

He waited, checking she wasn't going to come back in because she forgot something. After that, it took him about five seconds to get his cock out and spit in his palm. He jerked off as fast as he could make it, thinking about her, scent, touch and sound, and he came so hard that his body arched off the bed. 

He found her again at breakfast, concentrating on apparently staring out her cup of tea. Jeep sat on the floor a little way from her, eating a plate of disgusting looking leftover fish parts and peering at her from time to time as if he still couldn't quite believe it.

"What happened with the rat?" Sanzo said, looking between them.

"Oh," Hakkai said. "Yes, sorry. It, ah. Well." She fiddled with her glasses. "My qi disemboweled it."

"Wow," said Goku. "That's new."

"Did you mean to do it?" Sanzo said.

"No! I wanted to heal it. I knew my energies were imbalanced, but not to this extent."

"So you can only kill things, not heal them?" Goku said.

"I hope not," said Hakkai, and hung her head. 

"Shit," Sanzo said, and lit a cigarette. "Where the hell's that damn priest?"

"Maybe we should try another search party for the crone?" Hakkai suggested.

"No. That might waste even more time than waiting around on our asses." Sanzo flicked his ash near the ashtray and looked at Hakkai with slitted, thoughtful eyes. "Anyhow, thought you said you wanted a holiday?"

"I was simply thinking we should fix this—problem as fast we can." She didn't meet Gojyo's eyes.

"Yeah, right," said Gojyo.

Sanzo sighed. "Let's give it till this damned priest turns up. If nothing's changed by then, we go after her."

Chao came in then and bowed to them all. "I hope you are all well. Miss Cho. You look radiant as the sun."

"Tch," Sanzo said. 

"I'm going to the library with Chao," Hakkai said, rising quickly. "Bye. Goku, please make sure Jeep gets enough water and food."

"Okay," Goku said, and then Hakkai was hurrying away.

It was a hot day, but the good kind with a fresh wind that made the treetops roar and shake their branches like impatient horses shaking their manes. Gojyo left Sanzo and Goku under a tree, bickering over a bowl of peaches that one of the monks had bought. He wandered off through the gardens. He'd never been one for outdoorsy nature stuff, not since he was a kid. He'd outgrown all that crap. 

Maybe he hadn't, so much. He was struck by a gnarled and ancient grove of cherry trees he came across, green leaved now and sprouting tiny berries. He stood rooted in the grass like a tree himself, staring at them for a long time.

The paths were neat and winding and long, far longer than he'd thought. 

The gardens must be vast, maybe the old estates of some local lord. He strolled, whistling, tilting his face to the sun. It was good on his skin. He grinned, remembering Hakkai up close this morning, and the look on her face. He should be more freaked, he knew that. He shouldn't even be thinking of Hakkai as a woman, he was sure, but it was impossible not to. 

The woods got thicker as he walked, and he began to hear the sound of rushing water. It grew louder, until the trees and shrubs thinned a little and he saw a pool of dark shining water. At one end, water tumbled down, splashing down over smooth carved rocks that lay tumbled at one end. They were wet and pale grey, gleaming like wet fish. 

He didn't notice the movement at first, but then he saw a dark head in the water, and smooth pale shoulders. Hakkai was swimming. 

Gojyo ducked back behind a bush. He should call out or something, because she was naked. He could see her breasts, nipples stiff from the cold as she swam to the falls and climbed up onto a flat rock, water sheeting from her thighs and her stomach and her breasts. Oh. Oh. She stretched up, arms high in the air, then pushed off, neat and quick and fast, plunging into the dark water. She came up yards away and shook the water from her hair and face. She was smiling. She flung herself onto her back and floated, legs kicking lazily. She flipped over and dived again, the backs of her bare thighs gleaming and exposed for one instant.

"Holy shit," Gojyo whispered. 

It might have been the best thing he'd ever seen in his life. 

He squatted, sitting back on his heels, and put his head in his hands. This was all wrong. Then he heard a sound, kind of near; someone's breathing. 

He crept along, because he could be soundless even when his head had been messed with, and pushed aside some boughs to see Chao, kneeling, his hand pressed to the front of his robe. When he clocked Gojyo his eyes bugged out like Buddha had just come down himself to pat him on the back, then he scrambled to his feet, red faced.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Gojyo said, stalking forward. "Pervin' on Miss Cho, huh?"

"I wasn't. It's a mistake!" Chao said, and then, as Gojyo stared him out, he dropped his eyes and then clasped his hands. "You're right," he said. "But I didn't mean to. I thought to bring her some food and tea, as she did not come back to eat lunch." There was a black and gold laquered tray resting on the leaves. "Then I saw her." He bit his lip and gave Gojyo a huge eyed worried look and then hung his head even more. "I'm sorry. You may punish me. I know you are her friend and protector. I've tarnished her honour."

Gojyo sighed. Great, now he was all sorry. Couldn't Chao stop being actually a decent guy for once?

"Don't worry about Miss Cho's honour. It ain't gonna get dented by a creep like you." Or me.

Chao flushed. "I don't understand."

"She ain't like other women." He stopped, because he heard Hakkai's laughter and then a sort of wet splat coming from the lake. They looked at each other and then moved as one to the bank to peer through the foliage.

"It would appear you are not holding back from spying yourself," Chao said, softly. 

"Shut up."

"I'm just making the point."

"Consider it goddamn made."

Hakkai was in the water, hanging still and staring at something below the surface. She dived, inhumanly fast and neat, then came up several seconds later clutching a large silvery grey fish. She flung it with one long lob onto the bank, where it thunked down onto the mud, gasping and flapping its fins.

Chao didn't say anything. His mouth was wide open.

"Girl can fish," Gojyo offered.

"What is. Ah. What is the nature of Miss Cho?" Chao said.

It was a nice way of asking if she was some kind of freak or not, Gojyo guessed. He sighed again. Chao was gonna find out anyway, at some point, when Hakkai miraculously woke up with a penis at some point soon. There was no way Hakkai was going to stay a woman forever.

"Hakkai's really a man. A youkai man."

"I beg your pardon?"

"She's really a guy," Gojyo said, watching Hakkai's long legs kick through the water. "It's a spell. We're here to get it fixed."

Chao was silent for some minutes, apart from letting out a winded-sounding sigh. Gojyo didn't look at him. He kinda didn't feel like talking either. Hakkai's naked skin, the black lake, her dark wet hair, and the quiet splash of water made it like some kind of dream. She pulled herself out and sat on a rock. She stroked her hands over her skin, along her thighs and over her breasts, and stared up into the sky. Gojyo felt his own mouth hanging open. They had to go. He nudged Chao in the ribs. 

"We're still pervin'. Let's go."

"Oh! Uh, yes, yes," Chao said, and turned and hurried away to pick up the tray. 

Gojyo walked behind him all the way back, until he got back to the shady tree where Goku and Sanzo were. They lay sleeping side by side, sprawled on the grass with heavy limbs. Sanzo's hair was getting long, and pale tendrils of it fanned out on the grass. They looked like two people without a single care between them. They were holding hands.

A little while later, as Gojyo was eating the last of the peaches, Hakkai came wandering along the path. She carried three huge fish. She gave Gojyo a smile and laid them down on the grass, then sat beside them.

Sanzo struggled upright, blinking awake, shaking of Goku's hand. Goku muttered at his side and yawned hugely, then sat up too, pinging awake like he'd never been asleep. 

"Oh, hey, are we gonna eat those?"

"Yes," Hakkai said, smiling brightly. "I thought I'd cook them for dinner, with some spring onions and greens." She waved at a passing monk, and gave him instructions to put them in the ice house for her. He bowed and hurried away.

 

"Mm, I'm hungry already," Goku said, but he sounded really happy about it for once. "This is a great place."

Sanzo shook his head, like he was trying to wake up, and groped for his cigarettes. "Yeah, apart from the youkai attacks. We'd better expect another one at any time."

"Well, let's enjoy this while we can," Hakkai said. 

Sanzo gave him a squinty look and shrugged, but for once he didn't open his mouth to whinge.

Jeep swooped along the path and landed near Hakkai with a small cheep. He climbed awkwardly into Hakkai's lap, then sat there looking smug.

"Hello, little one," Hakkai said. 

"Why's your hair all wet, Hakkai?" Goku asked.

"I went bathing in the lake. It was very refreshing. And also full of fish." Her eyes met Gojyo's. "Have you had a pleasant day, Gojyo?"

"Yeah, uh, not bad," Gojyo said, wondering how much Chao was freaking out right now. "It's a decent place." He dug the tattered and grimy pack of cards from his back pocket, where they'd lived for years. He'd never got out of the habit of carrying them. "Hey, anyone up for Chase the Pig?"

"Ooh, yes," Hakkai said. 

"Tell me the rules again," said Goku.

"The loser has to grovel to the winner," Hakkai said. "For a specified amount of time. Making pig noises."

"Cool!"

Even Sanzo played. They sat on the grass until the sun began to lower over the edges of the trees. Hakkai won, obviously, but it was good anyway, even if Sanzo flatly refused to grovel on all fours and do pig impressions. Hakkai smelled of green stuff: algae and leaves and maybe even pond weed. They wandered indoors when it got too dark to see the cards properly.

Chao was waiting in the entrance, and he bowed very low to Hakkai, speechless and red faced and not meeting Gojyo's eyes. 

Hakkai fixed Gojyo with a look. "What did you say to him?"

"Huh? Nothing?"

"Gojyo."

Sanzo and Goku pushed past Gojyo and disappeared a little bit too quickly into the dining room.

"It just came up!"

"Did it really?"

"Look, the guy was going to find out at some point, wasn't he?"

Hakkai pressed her lips together. "I'm sure I wasn't hiding anything from him. Or anyone."

"Damn right. He was spying on you, when you were swimming naked," Gojyo said. 

Hakkai smiled, looking very calm. "How do you know I was swimming naked?"

"Yeah, well…" 

"Never mind. You weren't exactly discreet," Hakkai said. "Next time, keep your voice down when you're protecting my honour. It rather spoils the moment."

"I'm sorry," Gojyo said, and meant it. "I didn't mean to."

Hakkai met his eyes. "I didn't mind," she said, slowly.

After they ate, the four of them played a slow and quiet game of mahjong until a young monk came running in. 

"What now?" Sanzo said. 

"Master Jiang has arrived."

"Oh," said Hakkai, and her face fell. 

"He would be delighted to meet you."

Master Jiang was waiting for them in a small parlour, which was crammed with scrolls and books. It smelled of old paper and ink and wood. Gojyo liked it. A brass telescope stood at the open windows, pointing up at the black velvet sky, and a small painted wooden globe sat on a stand. Fancy stuff, Gojyo thought, for a monk. 

Master Jiang was tall, with narrow shoulders and the sort of muscles a guy got after about seventy years hard living, it looked like. He was wiry and tanned, with deep wrinkles round his black eyes. His bald head shone like the polished wood floor in the dining room.

"I'm so sorry for making you wait, my lord," he said, dipping his head. "Your esteemed colleagues also. Please, do sit." 

"Hn," Sanzo said. "Thank you for your hospitality."

They sat on low wooden chairs. Gojyo felt weirdly like a kid in here, waiting to see someone important, like the time they tried to put him in an orphanage and he'd run away. Hakkai's arm brushed his briefly.

"I hear there's a problem that I might help you with?" Jiang said. 

"My servant," Sanzo said. "He's got a problem."

"Oh," Jiang said, surveying Gojyo and Goku. 

"We're not servants," Gojyo pointed out. 

"Not them. I mean him," Sanzo said, and jerked his thumb at Hakkai, who was sitting very quietly with precisely folded hands and neatly crossed ankles. 

"Good evening," Hakkai said.

"Him?" Jiang said, wondering. He stared at Hakkai for a moment, and then something like realisation dawned. "Ah," he said. "I think I see."

"What do you mean, 'ah'?" Gojyo said. 

Jiang sighed and came to stand in front of Hakkai. "This happened recently?" he said, staring down into Hakkai's face.

"Almost five days ago," Hakkai said. "It's not that troublesome really."

Jiang gazed at her thoughtfully for a few seconds. "Remarkable," he said. "I know who cast this spell."

"The crone?" Gojyo said. 

"My sister," said Jiang.

"What the hell? Your sister?"

Jiang nodded, looking a little sheepish. "My sister, Singing Tree. She has… Issues."

Sanzo was scowling so much it looked like his face might break. "Explain yourself. What the hell kind of temple is this?"

Jiang turned away and tucked his arms into his long sleeves. "She is older than me by several minutes. We are twins, you see."

"Oh," Hakkai said, very softly and clearly. "Twins."

"What's that got to do with anything?" Sanzo said.

"Nothing, possibly." Jiang glanced at Hakkai. 

"Tell me about her," Hakkai said. 

Jiang looked at Hakkai in silence for so long that Gojyo began to wonder if there was something spooky going on. Jiang sighed. 

"We were very close. For the first seven years of our lives we spoke to no one else, not even our mother," he said. 

"That's a long time," Goku said. He was as wide eyed as a kid. 

Jiang looked him over, very carefully "But not so long, really. The local priest, a Catholic missionary, declared us possessed by Satan and we were beaten and starved. Singing Tree was beaten particularly hard, as the priest said that a girl was in extra danger from evil influences, being of weaker brain and moral strength. My father sent me to the local temple, and my sister was married three years later to one of my father's cousins. "

"Get to the point. Where is she?" Sanzo said. Jiang smiled. 

"Singing Tree never did settle down to marriage. As a young girl I remember that she lusted for knowledge and would tell me stories every day. When she was seventeen my father came to tell me she had run away from her husband. Many years later I found she had travelled to India, where she learnt of dark arts and lived as a shaman in the courts of the rajahs. She talks little of those times to me."

"She's come back to you?" Hakkai said, sounding breathless.

"Oh, yes. She has a house on Snow Peak Mountain. It is a day's travel."

"So, now she turns men into women for laughs?" Gojyo said.

Jiang smiled again. "In a word, yes. That's exactly what she does. Possibly there is some element of revenge on men. They do seem to get awfully upset about the menstruating part. Or, perhaps the young man here reminded her of Father William. Mostly, I suspect she does it to annoy me, or because she's bored."

"How irresponsible," Hakkai said, gripping her hands tightly together. "Although one can possibly see her point of view."

"Can you bring her here?" Sanzo said.

Jiang nodded. "Yes, and she will be made to undo the curse on this poor young gentleman. I will summon her and she'll be here within the day." 

"Thanks heavens," Hakkai said, but he didn't sound like he meant it. 

Gojyo waited until they were trooping up the stairs before he spoke. "D'you think he's on the level?"

"What reason has he got to lie?" Sanzo said. 

"To protect his sister?" Goku said. 

"Yeah, apart from where he admitted she did it and now he's gonna make her fix it, monkey," said Gojyo, and caught Goku round the neck, more for comfort than anything else.

"Don't you dare fight," Sanzo said. "I don't want to have to pay for your breakages."

"You burnt the table with your cigarette last night," Goku said. "You can't complain." 

Gojyo tuned out their bickering. Hakkai was quiet, which wasn't exactly unusual for Hakkai, but still. Her patient smile managed to look not at all happy. 

"I guess things'll be different tomorrow," Gojyo said, as Hakkai stopped at the top of the stairs and turned to him. 

"It will be better to be really me," Hakkai said, looking up at him with her soft green eyes. 

"Yeah." Gojyo nodded, his mouth getting dry the more he looked at her. At Hakkai, who was really a guy under all the pretty girl stuff. It was so easy to forget. "It'll be better."

Hakkai stepped closer. Sanzo and Goku had gone into their room and were still talking, loudly. Something clattered to the floor. She put her hand on Gojyo's arm and bit her lip.

"Gojyo, do you want to—"

Footsteps thumped up the stairs. "Master Sanzo! Master Sanzo!" 

It was Chao, looking pale and scared. Hakkai stepped away and ducked her head, huffing out a small sigh. 

"What now?" Sanzo said, coming out dressed just in his jeans. 

"They're coming. More youkai. Huang saw them coming and ran all the way back. Master Jiang is organising the monks, but we need your help." Chao fell to his knees. "Please."

"Damn it. It's our fault they're here anyway," Sanzo said. "Of course we'll help"

They clattered down the stairs to the sounds of approaching yells and screams, and Gojyo could feel the energy in the air, bad energy. A mass of youkai had surrounded the high brick temple walls, chanting and waving firebrands and weapons. 

"Shit, there must be hundreds," Gojyo said. 

"More than five hundred, I think," said Hakkai, at his elbow. Her face was pale and set grimly, and her hands were clasped tight. 

"You okay?" Gojyo said, calling his shakujou.

"I'm fine," Hakkai said, with a faint smile. 

"Be careful, okay?"

"Yes, Gojyo, of course. Perhaps I can disembowel people."

There was something bad about Hakkai's eyes, but Gojyo didn't have time to go into it any further. The youkai broke through the tall iron gates, shoving them down onto monks, and then he was busy, slicing and whirling out his chain until the muscles in his shoulders began to burn.

Battle made him fiercely happy somewhere in the pit of his stomach; the sound of it, the smell, the power and skill he didn't get to show anywhere else. He tore through their enemies, keeping Hakkai in view all the time. He saw Jiang fighting with a shovel at one point. Goku was dripping with sweat and red faced, hardly smiling at all. Sanzo stood like a cold centre of the storm, his gun firing endlessly. Chao had his sword and was waving it about like he was some kind of hero. Hakkai stood in front of the temple doors, face still, her hands at her sides.

They weren't going to win, he saw that after about twenty minutes, and it made him sick to his guts. There were too many.

"Stand back," Hakkai called, coming forward. "I have to."

"Hakkai, no," Sanzo shouted, above the din. 

Hakkai, eyes narrowed and fists clenched tight, summoned her qi.

It wasn't like Hakkai's qi; that was the weird thing. It was bright, blazing like the sun in the middle of the desert, white and painful. The earth shook and seemed to spin, as if confused. Gojyo saw maybe a hundred faces turning upwards to the light, bleached out with dark eyes and ragged snarling mouths, before it blasted them into dust and ash.

"Holy shit," Gojyo breathed, as the smoke and dust kicked up by the fight settled around their feet. The air smelled dead and cooked, and the roar of battle had been replaced with quiet groans from injured monks and the far away singing of night birds. All the youkai were gone.

Hakkai stood alone, fists still clenched, and they turned to look at her. 

"What did you do?" Goku said, in a small awed voice. "That was—I dunno." He shivered. "Scary."

"I'm not sure," Hakkai said, staring at her clenched hands. "I—I don't know."

"Hey, it's fine," Gojyo said, and reached out to touch her elbow. She flinched away. 

"I don't think it is," Hakkai said, and turned away. "I'm going to my room," she said, half looking over her shoulder. 

The ground was burnt where the youkai had once stood. Gojyo smoked a cigarette with Sanzo, scuffing at the weird marks with his boots, neither of them speaking. 

"I'm gonna crash," Gojyo said, finally, and Sanzo just grunted. 

Hakkai's door was standing a little open, and she was inside, sitting on the edge of the bed, still dressed, gripping onto the side of it like she might fall off. She didn't look surprised to see Gojyo, but instead looked up at him with pleading eyes. Gojyo closed the door, then, after a second's hesitation, turned the key in the door.

Hakkai's chest rose and fell quickly as he came over, and she titled her face up to him. The skin of her cheek was as smooth and soft as a fresh peach. 

"Are you all right?" Gojyo said.

"No," and she shook her head and caught hold of his forearm. "Gojyo, please—"

Her lips were soft. They pressed against his, dry and closed, but when he opened his mouth a little, she did too. Gojyo pulled back and pressed his forehead to hers. 

"What are we doing?" he said. 

"It's all right," Hakkai whispered, and caught the back of his neck with her hand. "Please, I want to-- " 

He didn't wait, kissing her again, slow and almost gentle. She shivered when he slid his tongue between her lips, her hot breath rushing against his mouth, their lips pressing and sliding together. It was so good, so right, she even tasted like the best thing ever, sort of coppery and sharp and sweet, and she was sighing and making soft moaning noises with each kiss that made his head spin. Memories and images tumbled through his head, of her; of Gonou; green eyes watching him like he was something good and special.

She kissed him again, tongue sliding into his mouth, hands pulling him down onto her, onto the bed. Her breasts pressed up against his chest, and she spread her legs to take his weight. Gojyo heard his own moans faintly through his pounding blood. He didn't know where to touch first, couldn't decide, until she writhed up against him and his hand moved to her breast. He dragged his mouth away and pulled back, cupping it and feeling the weight in his palm. She was watching him, direct and utterly fixed on him. 

"I want you," she said. "So much. So much it makes me ache," and she made a hungry soft sound. "I want you."

"Fuck," he whispered, and squeezed her nipple so that she arched up into his touch. This was Hakkai. "What about—"

"It stopped this morning," she said. 

Their clothes lasted about a minute after that, her skirt and sweater on the floor on top of his jeans and boots and shirt, her underwear peeled down, and then she was naked underneath him; naked and loose-limbed and warm. She pressed her hands along his back, nails raking softly up and down, then smoothed over his hips to his ass, touching and stroking him like she couldn't get enough. He kissed her again, tipping her head back with the force of it, raw lust that seemed to spill from somewhere inside where he hadn't even known it was hiding. He wanted to make her his, to fuck her till she shook and screamed and-- His cock was pressed against her stomach, sliding on the soft roundness there. 

"Hakkai," he whispered. "You sure?"

In answer, she slid her legs around his waist, long and limber, and tilted her hips, snaking one hand down to open herself and guide him in. She was wet, he could smell her scent where she'd touched herself. He moaned again.

He sank his cock into her slowly, watching her face. Her mouth was open, and she was gasping softly, twisting under him.

"Turn over," he gasped. "Ride me, or this ain't gonna last thirty seconds."

"Oh," she moaned, and they tumbled together until she twisted her hips and slid down onto his cock. "Gojyo," she said, planting her hands on the pillow either side of his head, nose inches from his. "Oh, Gojyo."

She was wetter now, sliding around him, circling her hips in little movements. He reached out to touch her clit, and she froze.

"I don't-- I haven't tried—"

He pressed with his thumb, moving it in a slow rhythm, feeling the flutter of her pulse and how swollen she was.

"You like that?" he said, gazing up at her.

She nodded and put her hand over his, stroking over his fingers, watching the movement. He stroked along her thighs and up over her stomach, up to her breasts. She clenched down around him when he took one nipple between his finger and thumb and gently squeezed.

"Gojyo," she said, and her voice was thick, loaded with heat. 

She began to move, rising up and sliding back down onto him, tight and wet and so good that Gojyo had to close his eyes and blank his mind just to keep from coming, but it was impossible. She tipped her head back and clutched at his hand as it moved between her thighs. Sweat gleamed at the base of her throat, and she moaned in a soft shaky way that made Gojyo want to pull her close and ram into her.

"Fuck," he whispered, his thumb slipping now in her juice. He watched his cock slide into her, gleaming and wet. "Ride me. Give it me. Come on."

He hardly knew what he was saying. She gasped, moving faster, pushing her hips forward to shove against his hand.

"Unhn," she said, as he pushed up. He cupped the back of her neck and drew her down to kiss her as they moved, getting frantic now. His balls were tightening, his cock jerking hard and fast, so close. He felt the pulses of her orgasm, squeezing him, the hot wet lick of her tongue against his.

"Gonou," she said. "Oh, Gonou."

Her eyes were closed, dark lashes fanning on her delicate skin. Gojyo's heart pounded up in his ears, and he couldn't stop himself from coming.

It was as if she hadn't noticed what she'd said. She was shaking against him, hips jerking hard as she came, her mouth slipping to his neck. She pressed her face there and shook, grinding down with tight jerky movements.

He realized she was crying when he felt the tears, then the shaking of her shoulders and the tight, sucked in breaths. He slid both arms round her shoulders and kissed her neck. The tendons there were tight, and sharp little spikes of sweat-damp hair stuck to her skin.

"Hakkai," he said, just wanting to say her name. His name. He shivered and held her tighter as a sob escaped her, and another, until she was shaking hard and almost choking. "Hakkai, hey. Don't freak out on me."

He sat them up and held her shoulders and pushed her hair back from her face. His shirt made a good handkerchief. She blew her nose on it, trembling and breathing hard, then she dropped it and put her face in her hands.

"I know who you are," Hakkai croaked. "You don't have to worry. I know who I am, too."  
Gojyo pulled her gently down until they were lying side by side, then drew the sheets up. He stroked Hakkai's hair.

"Yeah. It's gotta be weird for you," he said. "It's okay."

Hakkai sniffed. "I can see her in me, every time I look at myself, even reflected in your eyes. Being so close to someone is disturbing."

"Yeah, but." He shifted back so he could see Hakkai's face again. He took a breath. "You're still Cho Hakkai. No one else. Even if you're a woman. You're you."

Hakkai nodded, like she was just humouring and not really agreeing at all.  
"Hey, so. You won't get pregnant, right?" he said.

"It's a bit late for asking that," Hakkai said, sounding calmer. "I think that's highly unlikely though. I'm not a real woman, after all."

Gojyo found it comforting in a way he didn't expect. It was the truth, in this weird mess of unreal stuff. He rolled on to his back and closed his eyes and drifted, just glad that Hakkai was near and warm.

"What are you thinking?" she said.

"Uh, nothing much. Honestly."

"I see." Hakkai watched him with dark and serious eyes. "This is very confusing," she said. She sounded dazed and her small smile flickered and faded. "I might be stating the obvious."

"It's gonna be okay," he said, pulling Hakkai closer. Sleep was catching up with him hard now. "You'll be less confused tomorrow, when it's all fixed."

"Are you serious?" Hakkai said, muffled against his chest.

"Oh, shut up," he said.

***

He woke up again with light creeping in through the window. He stretched carefully, limbs heavy. Hakkai was pressed up against him still, her boobs squished against his chest. He ogled them for a good long time before Hakkai woke up. She blinked at him, wide-eyed and confused.

"I thought I dreamed it all," Hakkai said.

"Because I was just that good, yeah?"

She didn't say anything, just fixed him with a look for what felt like a long time, then she moved still closer, her eyes glazing as she stroked over his chest and down. He let out a small gasp when she curled her hand around his cock and stroked. Fuck, she knew what she was doing, so good, just tight and fast enough to make him dig his heels into the bed and arch up… Obviously, he thought, with a small flare of dizziness. She would. He would, because Hakkai had owned a dick all his life. He moaned a little, weak and thready, as she bent her head to lick over his nipple.

"It's so different like this," Hakkai said in his ear, the tip of her tongue flicking out to lick his skin. She felt so good, all breathy and hot, parting her thighs to ride his leg, so that her heat and wetness was pressed tight to his skin, another kiss. "I want you to touch me."

She wasn't like anyone he'd ever slept with, not in any way. Hakkai's power wound around him like vines, constricting his breath and making his skin too hot and too sensitive. He tried to take things slowly, because who the fuck knew when he'd have this again? Hakkai gave him a hot dark look and lay back, spine arched and legs spread wide, inviting him.

"Do you like me this way, Gojyo?" she said. "I think I like it."

"I— Yeah?" he said, helpless.

"You feel so good inside me."

His heartbeat fluttered as he bent his head to lick between her thighs. He stroked his hands over the silky skin of her legs to spread them wider and slid his tongue into her, teasing her open, licking into her body. Then he had to stop and breathe, eyes tight shut and mouth flooded with her taste and scent, mind focused on absolutely nothing. Otherwise he thought he might come on the sheets.

He sucked on her clit, two fingers pressed inside her, rubbing deep. She twined her fingers through his hair, pulling him closer until she shuddered and cried out, clenching tight inside. He fucked her hard and fast after that, taking her wrists and pinning them to the pillows, hips almost jerking out of his control. She stared up at him, mouth open, her breasts shaking with each thrust. 

"You're so fucking hot," he said. "So hot, so good. Fuck, fuck, yes."

He came kissing her, with her sucking on his tongue and moaning. She had both hands tangled into his hair, stroking through the curtain of red.

"Did we make a lot of noise?" she asked, sleepily, a little while later. They lay on their backs, limbs spread and heavy. 

"Dunno," he said, turning his head to look at her. She smiled at him. "Don't care."

Some minutes later, there was a quiet knock at the door, exactly like someone had been hanging around plucking up the nerve.

"Guys?" Goku said. "Um. The lady's here. The witch. We're, um, waiting for you in Master Jiang's room.

"Oh, shit," said Gojyo. "Yeah, sure," he called.

Hakkai sat up, hair sticking up in a mussed black cloud, and began to gather her clothes. She looked fragile with them clutched her chest. 

"It'll be okay," Gojyo said, touching her arm. 

"I'd better get dressed."

"…Yeah." 

Sanzo gave them an unholy glare when they walked in to Jiang's room. The air was blue with a pall of smoke, and Jiang was sitting with a fixed grin and the windows open. Goku sat on a low stool with Hakuryuu perched on his knee. There was an old woman sitting on the desk, cross legged and wearing striped silk trousers and coat. She was smoking a thin pale pipe, emitting smoke as hard as Sanzo, like they were in some weird competition. The smoke smelled sweet, of cherries. 

Gojyo recognized her straight away. "It was you," he said.

"Yes," she said. "Hello Handsome, been having fun, have you?" She grinned at him and Hakkai. 

"I'm afraid you've caused me some inconvenience," Hakkai said. "I must ask you to – to—rid me of this spell."

"You sure about that, sweetheart? Because you don't sound it," Singing Tree said. "Maybe it suits you? No shame in that, some of my boys've chosen to keep the pussy. Said they got better sex that way."

"Singing Tree," Jiang said, way too calmly for Gojyo's liking. "Don't be vulgar." 

"Yeah, what about if you suddenly grew a dick and a nut sack, you old bat?" Gojyo said, loudly, and heard Hakkai's soft tsking sound. "You better put him back to normal, or I'll—"

"You'll what, macho man? Thump a nice old lady? Or maybe you'll be better off if I leave her that way, and you can carry on screwing her every chance you get?" She nodded at Hakkai, who was getting scary glints in her eyes. 

"Um," said Goku. "Can I leave?" 

"No," Sanzo snapped. "Enough of this shit. Fix him up, or you'll be sorry."

Singing Tree gave him an appraising look, taking in the sutra, then smiled. "Well, all right, Master Sanzo. I wouldn't like to get on the wrong side of you."

"You already are."

"Twice," said Hakkai. 

Singing Tree sighed and looked over at Jiang. Jiang shrugged. "Be a good person, Singing Tree. Let these blameless people go about their lives in peace."

"Blameless?" Singing Tree said, with a bitter smile. She looked them over, eyes lingering on Hakkai's face. "I don't think so. You're powerful, aren't you? I felt it last night."

"Last night?" Hakkai said. 

"During the attack. I tapped into a little of that energy inside you. Just to get rid of the crazies."

"That was you?" Gojyo said. "Holy shit."

"Oh," Hakkai said, and her shoulders sagged. She put a hand over her eyes for a moment. "That wasn't me."

"Oh, please. You're good, sweetie, but you're not that good. But I'll tell you what, if you wanted to hang on to the box and boobies, I could teach you a thing or two." She gave Hakkai an appraising look. "You had a girl twin, didn't you?"

Hakkai stared, her mouth falling open. "How did you know?"

"I can feel it." She sucked on her pipe. "I can feel her there, in you."

Hakkai' stared at the floor. Gojyo moved closer. "Just get it over with."

"Oh, all right." She settled herself more comfortably and raised her hands, intoning: "To fix the spell, you must find true love's kiss, and the enchantment will fall from you."

"We had penetrative sex," Hakkai said. "Twice. Does that count?"

Sanzo was busy coughing up a lungful of smoke. Hakuryuu made a strangled sound and flew out of the window.

"Eh. Maybe," she said.

"How long would the cure take to come into effect?" Hakkai said, eyes narrowed.

"Oh, instantly." She sounded bored.

"That simply can't be true then. Obviously."

She lifted her chin and stared Singing Tree down, making Gojyo wonder what the hell Kanan had been like, and what exactly Singing Tree meant when she said she was still hanging about inside Hakkai somewhere. That was spooky. He closed his eyes and thought about how much he wanted some coffee and a cigarette right now, and just to sit around with Hakkai playing cards and talking about absolutely nothing. He missed him, he realised. 

"Oh, all right," Singing Tree said. "I can't actually break the spell, because of how I set it up. It's not meant to be undone. But the good news is, it only lasts for seven days. One week. Walk a mile in my shoes. Enjoy it."

She hopped down off the table as lightly as a girl, and slammed the door on the way out.

"She's telling the truth," Jiang said. "I know when she's lying. It's one of the benefits of being so close."

"Whatever. If that's it, we're leaving," Sanzo said. "We wasted enough time on this." He said it with a lack of heat. 

He strode to the door. Hakkai hadn't moved. She stared at Gojyo and Goku and Sanzo.

"No," she said.

"What?" Sanzo said.

"I'm not leaving until I've changed back to my normal self," she said. It was a special Hakkai voice; flat and brooking no argument.

Sanzo stared. "What the hell?"

"It's dangerous," Hakkai went on. "It would be putting all of us at risk."

"It's putting this place at risk if we stay," Sanzo said.

"Actually, that's not the case," Jiang said. "Singing Tree has taken the precaution of placing a protective circle around the monastery."

Sanzo fell quiet for a moment, as if listening, which was creepy as hell. "Huh," he said. "Seems like she's good for something after all."

Jiang's smile tightened. "My sister is a good woman, Master Sanzo."

Sanzo stood at the door, staring at them.

"It would seem most sensible to stay here, in safety," Jiang said, quietly. "At least until Miss Cho is back to her normal bodily state."

"C'mon, it's only two days," Gojyo said. "Think of all the sleeping you can do."

"Two days wasted."

"Hakuryuu," Hakkai called, in a sharp voice. He swooped in through the window and flew into Hakkai's waiting arms. "You can always walk and we'll catch you up," she said.

"Bastards," Sanzo muttered, but Gojyo thought he looked secretly relieved. The tense set of his shoulders sagged "Okay. Two days and then we leave."

Hakkai bowed her head. "Thank you."

So they stayed. Jiang ate lunch with them, and he gave them all sake. 

"It soothes the spirits," Jiang said, touching Sanzo on the back of his hand. "If you allow that."

"Is Mistress Singing Tree still here?" Hakkai asked, as they finished. 

"She said she'd be waiting for you under the willow tree," Jiang said. 

She touched Gojyo on the shoulder as she left, her fingers drifting to the back of his neck. He'd barely had a chance to wash and he was sure he could still smell her scent on his skin. He was aware of the others watching them.

"I have to—I need to—" Hakkai began, and stopped

"It's okay. You should. She could help."

Hakkai nodded and it felt like a long time before she took her hand away. 

"I'm going back to bed," Sanzo said, and grumped off.

"It'll be good for him to rest," Goku said. 

"Yeah, he usually has to cope with your snoring," Gojyo. said

"No way, you're the one who snores."

"No, you do, monkey!"

"Are you siblings?" Jiang asked, smiling.

Goku blinked and went red, but he looked almost kind of pleased "No way. Heh. That's funny."

"Yeah, hilarious."

Goku punched him on the shoulder and Gojyo took the fight out into the garden, where Gojyo caught him in a neck lock and flung him around, and Goku let him. Brothers. Yeah, thought Gojyo, if he had monkey genes. 

"You smell different," Goku said.

Gojyo let him go abruptly and they flopped back onto the grass. "Yeah, well."

"Is it the sex?" Goku said, after a few moments. 

"Since when were you interested?"

"I'm not. I was just curious," Goku said, with all the disdain of a priggish teenager. It was what came of living with monks, probably. He dropped his voice. "I can't believe you did it with Hakkai."

"As a woman!"

"Yeah," Goku said. "How's that gonna work out when he's a man again? Are you gonna, you know—As two guys?"

Gojyo had been trying really hard to not think about that exact thing, so he didn't have an answer. Instead, he tried to make Goku eat grass.

"Who the hell's been telling you stuff about man sex anyhow?"

"Sanzo," Goku said, as if it was the most normal thing ever. "Years ago. In case any of the monks tried anything with me. He told me it was okay to hit 'em and then he'd shoot 'em."

Hakkai was gone all day and into the evening. Gojyo took his cigarettes and went to sit under the grove of ancient cherry trees, trying not to listen to the thoughts buzzing in his head. There were just too many of them and they itched in his mind like fleas, jumping up one after another to bug him.

"Stop thinking," he said, flopping back in annoyance. Evening light fell in slanting beams through the leaves, edging them with gold. They whispered to him; a soft tone that reminded him of Hakkai's voice. He closed his eyes.

"It is possible to think too hard," said a voice above him. He opened his eyes to see the hem of Jiang's robe and Jiang himself, towering over him. "May I join you for a spot of non-thought?"

"Uh, sure," Gojyo said, sitting up. "Whatever. It's your temple, right?"

"Technically, yes, although Singing Tree likes to tell me how best to run things."

He didn't sound pissed about it though, but pleased.

"You're really close, right?" Gojyo said. 

"Oh, yes."

"That's good." They sat a moment in silence. "Hakkai's sister… " Gojyo looked at his boots. "They were real close, even though… even though they only knew each other for a couple of years."

"Twins, yes. I remember." Jiang sounded mildly interested. "I imagine your young friend looks very much like his sister at this moment."

Gojyo swallowed. "She died. In a bad way. Must be more than four years ago now."

Jiang looked up into the cherry boughs, his bald head glistening, wrinkles speaking of decades of unknowable experience. What must it be like to be that old? 

"Not so long ago. It would be difficult to ever get over such a thing."

"Yeah," said Gojyo, thinking of Jien, and of Hakkai calling him Gonou like that, like Kanan really was there, waiting to speak. "Do you think Singing Tree can really help him?"

"My sister is extremely wise. Really, it can be quite irritating."

"Yeah. I know what that's like."

"You're good friends, aren't you?"

"Best friends, I guess. Even with the sex and stuff." He put his head in his hands. "Shit."

"You're a very remarkable young man," Jiang said. 

"No, I'm nothing special."

Jiang cocked a eyebrow at him, and his eye shone bright and black, like a bird. "I think you're wrong about that. Your friend is lucky to have found you." He slapped Gojyo's thigh and rose in one smooth movement. "Cheer up! Let's get drunk."

"Wait—"

But Jiang had turned and was striding away. Gojyo followed, scuffing up the neatly raked gravel with his boots. "What is it with you monks and your bad habits? You're not secretly a sanzo, are you?" 

"Ahaha. I wish."

Gojyo lay awake, wondering where Hakkai was. Goku and Sanzo hadn't said anything about him sloping off to Hakkai's room. Jiang didn't seem to give a shit that sex was happening under his holy roof, on his holy mattress. Maybe he should pull back, stop letting this happen. It'd be for the best, when Hakkai changed back.

Hakkai slid into bed with him hours later and wound an arm round his waist. 

"Hey," Gojyo mumbled. Hakkai's hands and feet were cold. "You okay?"

"Yes, Gojyo," Hakkai murmured, sounding dog tired, and Gojyo felt cool fingers stroking his hair from his forehead. "You should go back to sleep."

"Nah, I can stay awake." He tried to open his eyes, and saw Hakkai up close, skin glimmering in the light. "Have you been with her all this time?"

"Yes. She's very interesting." Hakkai slid an arm round his waist and laid her head on his shoulder, warm and trusting. "Did you know that she created the protective circle using her own urine?"

"That's seriously disgusting," Gojyo said, but his eyes sank shut again, against his will. He held Hakkai close, and slept.

They stayed two more days, just like Hakkai asked for. Gojyo's plan to cool things down worked really badly. Hakkai's naked body next to his was impossible not to touch, or even when it was dressed; long slender legs, high rounded breasts and the flare of hip that riveted all his attention when she was in the room. They played cards and ate and played stupid games with Goku, sitting under the cherry trees, which became their favourite place. Sanzo smoked almost continually, when he wasn't sleeping in the shade. Hakkai laughed a lot and didn't call him Gonou again. It was the best time, but it was weird how he missed Hakkai, even though Hakkai was right there with him.

A couple of mornings later, that all changed. 

"Hello, Gojyo," Hakkai said. It wasn't her voice. Her face was gone, along with her small shoulders and her breasts and the dip of her waist. Under the thin sheets, Hakkai's body was long and angular, sharp bones and long muscles. His eyes seemed infinitely sad, the curve of his mouth turned down.

"Oh," Gojyo managed, swimming up from sleep. He remembered her in the curve of his arm last night, so close and warm. Now there were inches of cold sheet between them, no touching, just like when they'd shared a bed before. Two guys. "You're here."

"I never went away," Hakkai said, his voice painfully light.

The moment hung between them. Gojyo found it hard to look away, tracing the lines of Hakkai's face with his eyes, the longer jaw and nose, less full mouth. His eyes were the same though, exactly, to every fleck and lash. 

"This is awkward," Hakkai said. "I'm sorry."

"It is kinda weird, yeah." 

Neither of them moved. "Sanzo will want to be underway, then," Hakkai said. 

"Do you—Uh. Feel okay and stuff?"

"Not really, no," Hakkai said. He got out of bed, naked, like it didn't matter if Gojyo saw him like that, the whole of Hakkai's naked body, his dick and everything. He looked away fast, even though he had an urge to stare more.

Gojyo'd been inside her last night, going slow and deep until they'd both been shaking. They hadn't talked much. Maybe Hakkai thought there was nothing to say. He watched the curve of Hakkai's spine as he stooped to gather his clothes—his guy clothes—from his bag. Gojyo got a brief glimpse of his cock too, and his balls. Hakkai glanced over his shoulder.

Gojyo looked away, feeling ashamed now for looking. "Better get dressed," he said, pointlessly, then was unable to get out of bed until Hakkai had put on his clothes and had left the room. He gave Gojyo a bland smile. 

Gojyo didn't bother washing, just flung on his clothes and packed his things up. He packed Hakkai's stuff too, folding the sweater and skirt as neat as he could and putting them in the bottom of Hakkai's bag along with the shoes and underwear. He was down at breakfast before Hakkai, who seemed to take a long time in the bathroom. Maybe getting used to his man parts.

"Well?" Sanzo said, as Gojyo sat down.

"Well what?"

He scowled. Maybe that was enough for Sanzo, because Sanzo gave a twisted little smile and said: "I take it we're leaving this morning?"

"Yeah," Gojyo said. "Everything's back to normal."

"So Hakkai's got his, um… " said Goku. 

"Uh huh," Gojyo said, not wanting to have this conversation, ever. He lit a cigarette and avoided their eyes, tasting the smoke with relief. It gave him something else to focus on, rather than the two sets of sharp eyes that were currently fixed on him. 

"Good," Sanzo said, when Hakkai came in. "The girl thing was starting to creep me out."

"Well, at least you weren't the one with the vagina," Hakkai said, sitting down next to Gojyo. "Otherwise things might've been far worse."

"…Shut up."

Gojyo couldn't help a snort of laughter, and Goku giggled behind his hand. 

"It's for the best I'm back to normal, then," Hakkai went on

There was some silence. Goku was clearly thinking of something to say. Hakkai ignored them all and picked at the bland rice and vegetables that the monks thought made a good breakfast. He fed at least half of it to Hakuryuu, who was gazing up at him in an adoring sort of way. 

"I thought you made a pretty girl, Hakkai," said Goku, quietly. "An' a kind one too."

Hakkai's gaze softened and he smiled down into his bowl. "Well, thank you." 

They carried their things out to the car after breakfast. The sun shone, hot and full already. The gardens looked shady and peaceful and enticing. He saw Hakkai glancing at them more than once. 

"It'd be good to spend a few more days here," Gojyo said. 

"No," Hakkai said. "We should enjoy what we had and move on." 

Their eyes met. "We haven't got any choice anyhow," he said, acting like he didn't get it.

Hakkai gave him a small genuine smile that made Gojyo glow, despite everything. "No, we certainly do not."

Jiang and Singing Tree came to sat goodbye. Singing Tree let out a squawk when she saw Hakkai, and clapped him hard on the shoulder. 

"You're still a babe, even with your dick back," she said, leering as Hakkai's eyes widened. 

"Singing Tree," Jiang said, under his breath. "Don't make them glad to leave."

"Ah. Thank you for the compliment."

"Mm," she said, staring at him. "Did you pick up the urine potion instructions?"

"Yes, thank you ma'am," Hakkai said.

"The what?" Sanzo said. He was already in the front seat, settled in and stoking up his impatient glare. 

"Oh, nothing," Hakkai said. 

Jiang took Gojyo's hand and clasped it. "Bring your friends back this way, if you get a chance."

Gojyo wasn't used to decent old priests smiling at him and being friendly. It was a nice change. "Yeah, sure, if we get a chance. Thanks for everything."

Chao was standing at the gates, watching as they drove by. 

"Don't stop," Sanzo said, but Hakkai slowed and killed Hakuryuu's engine anyway.

"Thank you," Hakkai said, looking up into Chao's face. He didn't say what for, or anything. Chao blushed. 

"I'm glad to have met you," Chao said. "I wish you well."

He stood looking after them for a long time. Gojyo knew, because he checked. Then he forced himself to turn around and concentrate on the road ahead. Hakkai's dark hair fluttered in the breeze, still in its cute girly haircut. It was hardly different from his normal one, really. It was oddly shocking to see him there. It was a good feeling, Gojyo thought. 

"Do we know where we're going?" Hakkai said. 

"No," Gojyo said. "Do we ever?"

Hakkai laughed. Gojyo had an urge to put his arms round him and hold on.

"West, morons," said Sanzo. "It's not difficult."

Gojyo slumped in the back and bickered with Goku to pass the time, until they'd worn each other out. Hakkai drove fast and recklessly.

"Are you trying to kill us?" Sanzo asked in a peevish voice. "Slow down." 

Hakkai did, minutely, and he smiled widely. "Sorry. I'm simply enjoying being back in the saddle, so to speak."

Sanzo didn't say anything else. Gojyo watched the back of Hakkai's head. He had wide shoulders, although it was easy not to notice them. There wasn't anything soft and girlish about him, only hard angles like the sharp bones of his wrist as he wrenched Hakuryuu's gear stick forward, and long smooth play of muscles and tendons. 

They had to stop on the way and fight a youkai hoard with bad dress sense, which was predictable. It was a bit less predictable that Hakkai got his chi out and blasted them all to shit instantly.

Sanzo lowered his gun, looking slightly pale.

"I've been feeling somewhat pent up," Hakkai told them, cheerfully. 

"Um," said Goku. 

"It's better out than in," Hakkai went on. 

"Not in every case," Sanzo said, and stomped back to the car. "Although that was efficient."

Twelve hours later, dust stained and with a sore ass, Gojyo climbed out of the car and trooped with the others into the inn they'd found. He stood dumbly as Hakkai signed them up to share a room, just like normal. He didn't know exactly what that word meant anymore. It was possible he hadn't ever known. 

"They'll bring food to the rooms," Hakkai said.

"Whatever," said Sanzo. He seemed almost asleep on his feet, and Goku was hovering, as if waiting to catch him. 

They ate together in Sanzo and Goku's room, everyone just chowing down, all subdued and quiet. The bathhouse was small so they took turns. Hakkai somehow managed to go first, as always, but Gojyo didn't mind. It gave him a chance to lie on the bed they'd be sharing and freak out quietly with a cigarette. It wasn't like Hakkai was expecting things to… go on. He'd said as much, and that they should move on.

He tried not to think about the future too hard, but it mostly had Hakkai in it, sometimes still on the fucking journey as old men, sometimes back in his little house, or even a better house. Sometimes, obviously, they'd be dead and gone, people walking on the grass over their heads, never even remembering them. Shit, whatever. The ceiling had a crack shaped like a bit like a vagina. He stared at that instead until Hakkai came back in.

"There's still hot water, Gojyo."

"Can't be bothered to wash."

Hakkai began to fold his clothes. He was barelegged and in his old baggy t-shirt, the one he'd bought from a market stall in Chang'An, maybe the first week they were living together. Gojyo'd lent him the money. No, given him the money. He smiled in Gojyo's direction, gaze sliding away to not quite meet Gojyo's eyes.

"You should wash, please," Hakkai said. "If we're to be sleeping in close quarters."

"Right."

The water was cool, because Sanzo had got there before him. Gojyo washed the dust out of his hair and felt it sluicing off his skin, and thought about sleeping together in 'close quarters'.

Hakkai was all tucked up in bed when he got back. He'd switched the light off too, so Gojyo dumped his clothes and towel on the floor and groped his way to the bed. The open window let in cool night scents, dark and damp. Hakkai didn't say anything when Gojyo slid under the covers, and Gojyo didn't even begin to try. They lay quietly, until Gojyo relaxed enough to be able to sleep. It came quickly and with no dreams.

He woke in the middle of the night to find Hakkai all tangled up in his arms, pressed tight to Gojyo's front. His breathing was slow and heavy, his face pressed to Gojyo's bare chest like he wanted to hide there.

"Hey," Gojyo said, very quietly. Hakkai didn't move or respond in any way. He must be asleep. Gojyo didn't say anything else. Hakkai's hair was soft under his fingers, and the skin of his temple was warm and smooth against Gojyo's mouth, the three limiters on his ear as warm as skin. 

He let himself touch, eyes closed tight, palms skimming over Hakkai's shoulder and back. Slowly, slowly down to his waist as Hakkai lay heavy and sleeping. I fucked you, he thought, and you loved it. A night ago, Hakkai had got down on his knees and sucked on his dick, and moaned all the way through it. 

He was getting hard, just thinking about that. Hakkai's hips were tilted towards him, sort of invitingly, and one of his thighs was pressing against Gojyo's. It wasn't that different after all, for Gojyo. He stared into the dark with a dry mouth and saw a different future. 

He wondered wildly, blindly if he could shake Hakkai awake and ask if he wanted to suck Gojyo's dick. Instead he inched backwards and lay breathing too fast, his mouth and nose filled with Hakkai's scent, his dick hard, aching to sink it into something hot and tight and wet and… 

"Gojyo?" Hakkai said, his voice so heavy and vague he must still be mostly asleep. His fingers dug into Gojyo's arm.

"It's okay," Gojyo whispered, heart thumping. "It's okay. Go back to sleep."

"Mmh," Hakkai said, and pushed his nose back against Gojyo's skin.

There was no time in the morning to even think about sex. They were spilled out of bed by an attack on the inn. 

"I should've created a copy of Singing Tree's protective potion," Hakkai said, sending three youkai several metres into the air with a blast of chi. He looked well rested and bright eyed. Gojyo felt like crap.

"Not the one with the piss in it?" Gojyo said. 

"That's disgusting," Sanzo said, pausing with his gun drooping and his mouth open slightly. 

"And yet so effective," said Hakkai, smiling. 

As they raced west, later that day, Gojyo had plenty of time to think about Singing Tree and Hakkai and Jiang. He had plenty of time to think about everything, which sucked because it was making his brain hurt. 

He noticed Goku watching him now and then, which made him jumpy. Seeing those soft golden eyes on him made him shiver, a little. When he narrowed them like that, he looked too like Sanzo for comfort.

"What?" he said, by late afternoon. 

"Nothin'," the monkey said. "I'm glad Hakkai's back to normal, that's all."

"Yeah. Yeah, me too."

He thought about that a lot too. "I'm glad you're you again," he said, much later, into the dark. Hakkai was close by, breathing slowly. 

There was what seemed like a depthless silence for a long time. "You don't miss—her?"

Gojyo's heart began to thump. "I dunno. Maybe. A little. It was still you though." He paused, and turned on his side, wondering truly what it could've been like for Hakkai, seeing her in the mirror every day. He could feel Hakkai's body heat and the stirring of his breath. "Do you miss her?"

He'd never asked Hakkai anything like that. But then, they'd never had sex before now, or slept all curled up together and half naked.

"Yes, often," Hakkai said. His voice was soft and flat, almost muffled by the pillow. It was very close to Gojyo. "It can't be helped though."

"No, right." He almost said it then, almost said: "Do you want me?" But Hakkai didn't speak again and Gojyo was tired right down to his bones, too tired even to worry.

He dreamed about being back home, being a kid again. There were arms around him, strong and tight, not a woman's arms but more like Jien. The ozone zing of youkai power, the scent of damp wood and dusty corners. Someone was murmuring, somewhere, and the arms were getting tighter.

Gojyo pulled himself up from sleep. Hakkai was pressed up close, lying almost nose to nose. He had his arms round Gojyo's waist and he was deeply asleep. He was also hard, Gojyo could feel it all against the top of his thigh. He was rocking slightly; in whatever dreams he was having something good was clearly happening. Gojyo swore very quietly to himself. 

"Hey, Hakkai."

He said it quiet though, and more because he thought he should than because he wanted Hakkai to let go, and how weird was that to admit to himself? He let Hakkai wind closer, warm and heavy and feeling good, until Hakkai's hard-on faded away and he moved into some other dream. Gojyo sighed and was mostly glad, because it meant he could sleep and not fixate on all the sex they weren't having now.

Hakkai looked sleepy and sexy the next morning, stretching out next to Gojyo for several minutes, nothing touching now but their toes, and then only briefly. 

"Good morning, Gojyo," Hakkai said, and gazed at him with soft dreamy eyes. "Did you sleep well?"

"Uhm." He decided to tell as much of the truth as he dared. "No. Pretty bad."

Hakkai looked at him. They lay still and quiet, listening to the birds cheeping and the rattle of shutters as the inn opened up.

"We should get to a big town today," Hakkai said, touching his shoulder. "We need to do some shopping." 

Through the walls, Sanzo's voice could be heard and then Goku's louder talking, then a yell. 

"It's time we were up," Hakkai sighed, sliding his fingers down Gojyo's arm as if he weren't even aware he was doing it, and he was gone, up and out and to the bathroom. 

Gojyo dressed and went downstairs. Goku was eating his way through what looked like five breakfasts. Gojyo wondered for about the millionth time how big his stomach must be to fit it all in, some sort of stomach version of a bottomless pit.

"What's wrong?" Goku said.

"Nothing," said Gojyo.

"You look like crap."

"Well, thanks so much. Can't you eat with your mouth closed for once?"

"No," said Goku. "I can't."

Sanzo rattled his newspaper. Hakkai joined them shortly afterwards. He wiped up the table and poured Gojyo and Sanzo's coffee from the pot that sat steaming in front of them. There was a pretty waitress hanging about near the kitchen door, looking over. She smiled when she saw Gojyo looking. Hakkai had his head down, eating slowly. Gojyo could wave back, or wink or smile or whatever, even go over. He could do any of those things, if he wanted. He didn't, though. 

They reached the big town at lunchtime. It was thriving, which was good to see. Goku, through a process of continual grinding down, got Sanzo to take him to a restaurant that was offering two for one on duck. People got out their way, nodding and bowing as Sanzo ignored every single one of them.

Gojyo carried the shopping, like he always did, following after Hakkai's apparently random progress through the town and the market as he exclaimed over the price of various things. 

"These look nice, don't you think, Gojyo?" Hakkai said. 

He leaned against Gojyo's shoulder as he picked out plums and fresh blushing apricots, and when Gojyo took the bags from him, his long fingers brushed over Gojyo's palm, spidery and cool just like Singing Tree's fingers had felt that first time he'd met her. 

After the shopping, they wandered together, not talking. Hakkai's shoulder touched his as they walked. They wandered along odd little streets paved with dusty stones, a small butcher's shop that was also someone's house, a gang of children squealing through a game of tag, just normal life. They stopped next to a stone shrine that stood in a small dusty courtyard. Looking up, Gojyo saw the towering white clouds that sailed across the sky.

"Would you change back," Gojyo asked. "If you could?"

Hakkai leaned next to him, so their elbows touched. "No," he said. "It's something best left in the past."

"Like Kanan," Gojyo said.

"I don't think I've ever heard you say her name before."

Gojyo turned to him and was sure everything was written plain across his face. 

Hakkai stared right back, his eyes a hard and brilliant green. His mouth was open and ready when Gojyo pressed his own to it. He closed his fists in the front of Hakkai's shirt and held on, keeping them mouth to mouth, partly because he was half scared Hakkai might just run and then everything would be fucked.

He'd never kissed a man before, technically. He was panting when they pulled apart. Sanzo and Goku were standing at the entrance to the square, watching them. Sanzo gave them a long accusing look and turned on his heel, and Goku followed, looking back over his shoulder with an open mouth.

"Shit," Gojyo said, bending to catch his breath. His heart was hammering, but at least seeing those two was a useful erection-deflating service. "Shit."

Hakkai stepped back, almost stumbling, and dragged his hand over his mouth. "Gojyo."

"Yeah?" Gojyo's palms tingled with sweat. 

"This is awkward, isn't it?"

"You're good at understatement."

"Sorry."

He caught Hakkai's soft direct smile and was reminded of four years ago, when they weren't talking much. He had to smile back, more out of a sense of relief than anything else. 

"Hey, don't be. But yeah. It kinda is."

"We should catch them up before Sanzo gets beyond any control. I need him to urinate into a bucket, so a good mood would be best."

"Have you gone nuts?"

"No," said Hakkai, very seriously. "It's for Singing Tree's potion."

"I'm not sure I even wanna be protected by Sanzo's piss!" 

Hakkai shook his head. "You'll appreciate it later. Will you bring those shopping bags?"

"Yeah, of course." Just like none of that hot kissing had ever happened.

They played mahjong that night, in Gojyo and Hakkai's room, with Sanzo stonily quiet and Goku too loud. The inn's set was chipped bone painted with red and black and splotched with yellow and green for the flower tiles. Sanzo's silence was the best thing ever right now. Except that Goku kept giving him these long level looks that freaked him the hell out, like Goku had suddenly grown about ten years older and knew everything about everything, including the thoughts in Gojyo's head as he stared at his tiles. 

Hakkai was playing to lose, Gojyo noticed, which meant he wanted the game over. Which meant that he wanted to go to bed. It waited over by the wall, with sheets neatly turned back and two pillows side by side. His thoughts jumped about like a scared rabbit, picturing them in it and what might happen.

Yeah, and he could worry about it forever and miss out on enjoying his beer and the relative peace of Sanzo not shouting at them. 

"Stop starin' at me, Goku."

"I'm not!"

"It's because you've got cigarette ash all over your cheek," Hakkai said. 

"…Oh."

Goku laughed in a really annoying way. 

"Let me—" Hakkai reached over and rubbed it off with his thumb. The air went out of Gojyo's lungs. 

Your game's for shit tonight, Hakkai," he said, when he could speak again. 

"You only say that because you're losing too," Hakkai said, smiling. 

Goku clicked his tiles down, and down the hall someone slammed a door.

"You're both playing to lose," Sanzo said, giving them a sharp purple glare. 

"What do you mean by that?" Hakkai said, smiling. 

"Nothing but the truth," Sanzo said. He pushed away from the table and stood. "Goku, come on," he ordered. Sanzo's bare feet had dirty black soles, Gojyo noticed. He was seeing all sorts of things he hadn't noticed before. 

Hakkai went over to close the door properly, then came towards him. They stood for a moment under the bare bulb. The bright glare cast shadows down across Hakkai's face, bathing him in light. His t-shirt was caught on one side in the waistband of his jeans, and he was barefoot too, only his feet were clean and roughly four sizes bigger than his feet had been as a girl. Hakkai was right there, solid and real and a guy, looking half scared, his pupils blown out and huge. 

"Gojyo."

"It's okay," Gojyo said softly, and he caught the back of Hakkai's neck in his hand and kissed him. 

He could be smooth and steady when he wanted, sometimes. Not as much as he liked to think he was. Not now though, and that was faintly embarrassing, only he was too busy getting pushed back towards the bed to care. The mattress was soft and Hakkai was a heavy weight on top of him, far heavier than any girl. Hakkai's breathing was fast and shallow and he kissed Gojyo like he couldn't get deep enough inside, their mouths stretching wide and open. Hakkai pulled his own glasses off and dropped them on the floor. 

"I'll pick them up later," he said, like Gojyo gave a shit.

They undressed cautiously, two buttons here, a shoved up t-shirt, Gojyo's jeans eased down slowly over his hips until Hakkai could slip his hand inside and press his face to Gojyo's shoulder, exploring with his fingers. Gojyo just clung on, until he realised his nails must be sinking into Hakkai's skin. 

He could barely concentrate on the feeling of Hakkai's hand on him, just because it was Hakkai and it was just the two of them and no one else, no weird spells, no vaginas, just him and Hakkai, having sex. He bit his lip and whimpered, feeling the tickle of Hakkai's hair on his cheek and the way his belt buckle was digging into Gojyo's stomach. Hakkai groaned into his shoulder and took hold of his cock in a grip that was definitely—oh, yeah. Male. Good. Tight and clever, Hakkai's fingers playing with his foreskin and rubbing around the edge of the head. Because he probably remembered that Gojyo liked that, from last time. 

Because they'd had sex already. This was still Hakkai, still her. Still him. The same person.

"Oh, holy fuck," Gojyo breathed and wrapped both arms tight around Hakkai's neck. "I want you so fucking much."

Hakkai pulled back, wobbling on an unsteady arm. His lips were red against his skin and a little bit wet. He craned his head to look down between their bodies, at his own fist working slowly around Gojyo's dick. Gojyo pushed aside Hakkai's sagging t-shirt to let him have a better view. Hakkai breathed hard. He rubbed his thumb almost thoughtfully over the head of Gojyo's cock, spreading the few drops of liquid that had leaked already. 

"It's odd," Hakkai said, in a perfectly level tone. "I'm just as attracted to you now I'm like this."

"Did it—" Gojyo paused and tried to get his words in the right order, still watching Hakkai's hand and the way Hakkai's cock made a long hard line in the front of his jeans. "Did being a chick make you… horny for guys?"

"I don't know," he said, propping himself on one hand to stare down at Gojyo. He looked so pretty and familiar, puzzling out a problem. "Perhaps it was always there."

Gojyo hooked two thumbs in his jeans and slid them down further to bare his thighs. Hakkai made a sound under his breath and stopped talking, which made Gojyo happy. If they talked, Gojyo might have to say stuff about himself too. Feelings and shit. Hakkai might want that, having been a girl, even for a week.

Instead Hakkai bent his neck and kissed him, his lips soft and cool, his hand still moving. Gojyo slid both hands into Hakkai's hair, loving the silkiness of it, cupping his jaw to angle his mouth. Hakkai moaned and then he moved, straddling Gojyo's hips, his free hand pulling at the fastenings of his jeans. Their hands met in tangle of fingers and he heard Hakkai's faint high-pitched giggle, sort of on the edge of panic.

"Let me, come on," Gojyo said, his fingers slipping on the difficult top button of Hakkai's ancient pale jeans. His voice came out funny, like he was half strangling on something. He didn't recall them having half this trouble when Hakkai was a woman. He had to close his eyes briefly at the thought. It wasn't like Gojyo had an average life, not really, but why did it have to be so weird?

He got the zip open and just looked for a moment; at Hakkai's long trailing scar, the way his underwear was stretched over his cock, the thin trail of hair that led upwards, disturbed by scar tissue. 

"Oh," Gojyo said, very softly. He wanted to kiss it, maybe make it all better. It hadn't been there on Hakkai's stomach before, when he was a girl. 

"I know," Hakkai said. "Singing Tree said it was part of the spell. It began as a healing spell, she said. Before she modified it."

"Damn," Gojyo said. "Can I—Do you mind?"

"I don't know," Hakkai said, shakily.

Gojyo touched it, running his fingers along the ridged edge, the unnatural smoothness. Hakkai's stomach muscles jumped under his fingers and a small dark stain spread across his white underwear, where it was pulled taut by the head of Hakkai's cock. Gojyo'd seen that particular pair hanging up to dry in countless hotel rooms, on the back of chairs. He'd never seen them quite like this, although he supposed Hakkai must've got hard hundreds of times, just like any guy, just randomly sitting around being bored, thinking about hot sex. Did Hakkai even think about sex, like normal guys? 

He bit his lip and ran his palm along the length of Hakkai's shaft, feeling the heat through worn cotton, feeling the size, damn.

"Is that good?" Gojyo said. 

"Yes," Hakkai whispered, staring down at where Gojyo was touching. 

He wanted to make Hakkai sound like that again. He worked his hand into Hakkai's underwear, stretching it out, running his fingers slowly down Hakkai's stiff dick, mind blanking. His cock was burning hot, silky and perfectly smooth, apart from the faint ridges of veins and the wetness at the head. Hakkai pushed against his touch, hips moving in a sudden fluid motion, pure sex. Gojyo didn't even know he could move like that, that men could move like that. He pushed his fingers down to grope Hakkai's balls. They were tight, like Hakkai was ready to pop.

Hakkai made a needy little sound and did that thing with his hips again, so that his cock rubbed up hard against the inside of Gojyo's wrist, leaving a warm sticky smear on his skin. Hakkai's eyes were heavy, lashes fluttering, and his mouth was slack as he stared down, his neck bent to watch Gojyo's hand as it curled around his shaft.

"Oh, your hands," Hakkai muttered, and he thrust up into Gojyo grip, real hard, and then Gojyo got a clue about how Hakkai might look when he was actually fucking. Fucking Gojyo. 

His mind blanked again, thoughts sliding away to places he didn't want them to go, and he just stared as Hakkai worked himself in and out of Gojyo's grip, fucking his hand with tight hungry movements. 

"Nnh, yes," and there was a growl in there, a low noise in Hakkai's throat like an animal. Wild. Gojyo's heartbeat just about doubled then and he shook his head, half panicking at the thought of what he wanted. 

Hakkai squirmed back a little and took hold of Gojyo's cock again. They both whined. What he wanted… He wanted Hakkai like this, maybe had done for a long time without properly knowing it. 

"Closer," he said. "Here." He caught Hakkai by the upper arm and pulled him down. Hakkai kissed him, taking over, pushing him down into the pillow with the force of it, sucking on Gojyo's tongue and his lip, moving down to bite at the front of his throat. His teeth were sharp and his kisses and bites there were ravenous, in a way Hakkai never seemed to be for food. Gojyo arched his neck back, eyes wide with shock. 

He could hardly keep his hand moving steadily, but they were both breathing hard, bodies tensing. He felt the flex in the muscles of Hakkai's thighs, gripping him as Gojyo jerked him harder and faster. Hakkai was slick, pulsing in Gojyo's palm as Gojyo ran his fingers tight around the head, pinching a little, rubbing over the tiny mouth, pressing down along the underside. Hakkai came with no warning except the tensing of his muscles and a long indrawn shaking breath, like he was trying to inhale Gojyo's scent right from his skin. He moved his mouth to press down over Gojyo's as he spurted over Gojyo's fingers and lower stomach. 

"Sorry," Hakkai mumbled. "I'm sorry."

Hakkai's voice was rough and thick and it made Gojyo want to squirm. Hakkai was still touching him, long fingers loosely clasped around his cock. 

"Shit," Gojyo whispered. "Don't stop."

"I won't."

It was crazy to get hot over just a voice. Hakkai sat back, jeans loose and sagging, cock softening. Gojyo felt his skin heat just looking at it and the stripes of Hakkai's come drying on his skin. The light from the bare bulb flowed down onto them and there really was nowhere to hide as Hakkai stroked him fast and hard and skillfully, sitting right back on Gojyo's thighs with Gojyo's dick in his hand, looking almost like he was jerking himself off. 

Something crashed through Gojyo at that moment; need, the thought of Hakkai doing that to himself while Gojyo watched, the hot sweaty grip that Hakkai knew how to use just right. This was Hakkai and they were really doing this, for real. He tried to spread his thighs, arching his hips up, reaching and aching for it as his orgasm began to wash through him. He groped for Hakkai's other hand and their fingers twisted together. Hakkai leaned over him, watching as Gojyo came.

"You look so different this way," Hakkai said, planting soft kisses on his mouth as Gojyo shook and moaned. "I like it."

"I like it too."

They were still holding hands, which Gojyo might feel embarrassed about later. Right now he only felt shaky and exhausted. Hakkai moved carefully off him, then stood. Gojyo watched him undress neatly, down to his underwear. 

"Should I switch the light off?" Hakkai said.

"Yeah."

Gojyo got all of the way out of his jeans in the dark, and slid under the covers. He heard the soft scuff of Hakkai's bare feet, then the dip of the mattress and then Hakkai lying down next to him, careful and controlled. He shifted close to Gojyo, then stopped as if he weren't sure anymore that he should touch, which was all back to front.

"You can—If you like," Gojyo said.

Hakkai moved closer, and Gojyo felt a kiss on his shoulder and the brush of soft hair, the soft touch of fingers stroking his chest as he drifted to sleep.

His dreams were tangled and annoying, except Hakkai was always there with him so things didn't feel so bad. Singing Tree was laughing at him while Goku kept asking if he preferred mangoes or cucumbers, and what was the difference? Jien couldn't explain and neither could his mom, but he didn't want her to. 

He woke up lying on his back with sheets twisted around his waist. Hakkai was lying on his side, his head on the pillow, watching him. There was a red patch on his throat—a bite that Gojyo remembered sucking into existence. He blushed at the memory.

Shit. They'd really done it. 

He guessed the shock must've shown on his face because Hakkai sat up quite quickly and slipped out of bed, dressed in his baggy t-shirt and underwear. His legs poked out, long and pale, dark hair giving them a shadow. His feet had a high strong arch. Narrow hips, the bulge of his cock and balls, straight back… Definitely definitely a guy. He got a sudden and vivid picture of Jien—Dokugakuji—laughing his guts out.

"Shut it, loser," he muttered. 

"I'm sorry?" Hakkai said, looking over his shoulder with a worried expression. 

"Talking to myself," Gojyo said. 

"Oh. We're heading into the mountains today," Hakkai said, gathering up his towel and washbag from where they were laid out, waiting. "I think we need extra clothes, it's going to be cold."

"Okay, whatever. As long as I get coffee."

"As long as you don't become over-caffienated," Hakkai said. "It's bad for your heart."

Gojyo slid out of bed, his stomach crusted embarrassingly with dried spunk. He scratched at it and watched it flake off. Bad for his heart. He grinned. 

"I'm gonna have a wash," he said. 

"That's a good idea," Hakkai said, in a distracted voice. Gojyo looked up to find Hakkai watching him, attention fixed on Gojyo's fingers. "I'll come with you."

"Right."

It wasn't any different from their normal routine, except that usually he wasn't so aware of Hakkai walking right next to him. In the bathroom, they stood side by side at the sink. Hakkai took out a small glittery hairclip and fixed his hair back from his face.

"Um," Gojyo said, meeting his eyes in the mirror. "That's chick stuff."

"It's useful," Hakkai said. He squeezed toothpaste onto his brush and his gaze slid away. "Think of it as memorabilia." 

Gojyo rinsed his shaving razor under the hot water tap, then leaned on the sink. "I don't think I'm ever gonna forget it," he said.

Hakkai brushed his teeth and rinsed. "Well, no. Nor am I." He smiled. "I kept the clothes too," he said. 

Gojyo paused in his shaving. "Is that. Um. Why?" 

"Singing Tree seems an unpredictable sort. It's better to be prepared." 

"Do you really think she'll do it again?"

Hakkai swilled out the sink with cold water, running his hand absently around the bowl. "No," he said, finally. "No, I don't."

"It's not a problem," Gojyo said, meeting his eyes in the mirror. 

Hakkai dipped his head, but he didn't look away. He smiled, taking up his towel and the bar of soap, and went into the shower. Be prepared. Gojyo stared at his own reflection. There were blue rings under his eyes. He remembered the first time he'd seen Hakkai in that damned skirt, looking fine. But that wasn't who Hakkai was. That was someone else. 

He was still leaning against the sink when Hakkai came out, dripping water from the tips of his hair. 

"Come over here," Gojyo said, and Hakkai came, trotting over with a curious look, like there was no option but to do what Gojyo asked. Just that on its own gave Gojyo a warmth in the pit of his stomach; he liked it a lot. 

"What is it, Gojyo?"

Gojyo put a hand on Hakkai's shoulder, which was damp from the shower still, and then kissed him. He tasted of mint toothpaste and of himself. Hakkai moaned instantly and leaned into him, pressing against Gojyo's body. After a little while, Gojyo eased back and tried to speak. He managed it on the second try.

"Have we got, like, a plan?"

"A plan?" Hakkai sounded distracted.

"You know, for—this thing. Us. Whatever."

"Looking at things pragmatically, we could continue sleeping together," Hakkai said. His hand curled softly into the nape of Gojyo's neck, stroking. 

"What?"

"If it's convenient," Hakkai said. "I've been thinking."

"Um, all night?"

"No," said Hakkai, frowning. "Only part of it."

Gojyo nodded, possibly for longer than he needed to. "Is there even that much to think about?" he said. 

It must've been the right thing to say, because Hakkai smiled and shook his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much to Emungere for betaing this and for Kate for cheering me on. I can't remember when this fic started life, except someone said to me 'girl Hakkai' at some point some time ago and things developed from there. It seems to have taken many months to write and then more time for us to sit and look at each other. I very much hope you enjoy it. Any feedback and comments are warmly welcomed.


End file.
